Super Irritated

I know, I know.... right on the heels of a wonderful mindset type of day, here I come with the BS.

I woke up with a negative attitude this morning. I didn't want to get up, didn't want to go walk, didn't want to drink water, didn't want to shower, didn't want to get dressed, didn't want to pack lunches, didn't want to, rinse. repeat....blah blah blahhhhhhh

Well, I pushed through it all. I would like to add that I did not smoke a cig this morning. I just didn't want anything. I have some rotten little cuss in my head that is making me want to go in a dark closet and sit there and just mumble mean things. I have ZERO reason as to why.

Is this normal when beginning an exercise program? I want it to go away. I am a positive and sunny side up person. So, this presence is very toxic to me. Low energy vibrations right now.

Maybe I'm dehydrated? My muscles are still so sore....its like a new one hurts every day. I can feel the muscles in my cheeks when I yawn...this seems wrong. I don't want a strong face. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Okay...carry on. Hugs and Love (from a sourpuss) -S.

I Did 10 and Rested 1

Alright, here's the latest on me....

I walked one mile a day for ten days straight! I was just plain tired on the 11th day so I didn't do anything. I got up and got back out there again today!

I am threatening to walk again tonight. I feel a little guilty about missing that one day. I know I shouldn't but I set a goal to just walk a mile a day for the rest of my days. I guess that was unrealistic? I was also going to punish myself by making myself count my days over from the beginning.....but that is counterproductive too.

I have to learn to be nicer to myself. I am working on it. I'm noticing that walking is also helping me cleanse myself of anger. I'm pretty angry most of the time and it comes from all kind of places, but I push it down and I don't address it. Walking gives me a moment away from even my own self. I think it is making me feel happier. I will continue testing that theory...stay tuned.

Changes I have noticed so far:

None physically. Oddly enough every time I start working out I feel like I am bigger than I was before....and the pain from being sedentary is fairly pronounced. I feel super old and out of shape. Which I am, but I'm working on it. While showering, I did notice that I saw a bit more of my hip than I am used to seeing, so something is rearranging at the very least.

Weight check? NO. Not yet. I'm gonna try to stay off the scale until my birthday. Sept. 26. I am predicting that I will be at 290 by then. I know you are thinking...well what are you now????!!! lol. At last check I was at about 318 - 19 and that was at least two months ago. So, that is a VERY conservative estimate because I should be able to drop forty pounds by then. That's a total of  53 days. We will see where we land. Sept. 26, 2015....first updated weight check day.

I send out lots of light and love to all of you and hope that life continues to flow in a positive direction for all. Hugs and love -S.

Sore ALL OVER!!!

Hey hey hey hey!!!

It's your old pal Krusty.... j/k...its just me.

I am on my fifth straight day of walking and I am SO SORE ALL OVER! I feel like even my eyelids are sore. (tragic)

I am being honest with myself and realize I am in a phase where I can not take one day off because I will just stop doing everything. I have to stay in motion. So, I don't see a day off coming for at least the next month.

I started out doing a 30 minute mile and I have knocked that down to a 20 minute mile already. I know that isn't super fast for all but it is super fast for me. I am making it out of the house at about 5:45 am. I need to get that time to 5:00am to give myself the right amount of time if I decide to go a little further than the mile. Baby steps.

Another win this week is that I was able to put on a 2x outfit. I can't recall the last time I was able to do this and not look like someone was trying to put a bag over my head and kidnap me. So, YAY!

Best wishes....Hugs and Love to All! -S.

Crossed My Legs Under the Desk

Hello All!!!

My victory for today is that I crossed my legs under my desk at work. How cool is that? Pretty cool is the answer....lol.

I additionally ran across an old college mate's blogspot and ya'll should check it out. I'm inspired by her story and it is ongoing which is cool too. You can see it at itsyahztime.blogspot.com

Either way. I looked into a trip to Europe for next year when school let's out for Cade. She is very in love with the European Culture and wants to visit London. I want to make that happen for her. It would be nice for me too (secret yay).

Still haven't felt the urge to move...did not go on the walk I threatened to go on the other day either. However, I have been eating better. I did succumb to a homemade grilled cheese last night and haven't gone without my cocktail yet.  The water has been increased so I am NOT complaining.

I do want to start going to the gym when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. I will let ya'll know how that goes. Laying out my gym clothes will make it easier to grab and go...maybe I will try that.

Nothing else significant to report today...

Be well and know I'm sending hugs and love to all. -S.

Day 1 of Project Me

Hello (hello, hello, hello, hello) is anyone out there (there, there, there, there),

So, I know it has been better than a year since I have even come to look at this blog. This is an ongoing trend in my life...starting and then, well, you get the picture.

I'm starting again. This time I'm a little older and more mature. I'm calling this new beginning "Project Me".

This is day one.

Got up, packed Cade's lunch, packed my lunch (chicken salad), made some tea and smoked a cig. I made it to work on time and started a generally productive day.

My plans for the evening:

Take a short walk around the neighborhood
Have Dinner (mushroom chicken with broccoli)
Write down my feelings
Talk positively about a friend on FB as my status
Have a night cap
Lay my clothes out for tomorrow
Go to bed by 11pm

Until then....hugs and love -S.

Disgusted and Fed Up

So, if nothing else this blog will serve to show how many failed attempts a person can make at getting "wherever" they are trying to go.

I am angry, tired, and disgusted. There is nothing anyone else can do about how I am feeling but me. I am in a "hell no, we won't go" state of mind today. I don't see it changing for a while either. 

I am not apologetic and I am damn sure not attempting to be uplifting in any sort of way. I am not blaming anyone or asking for any sympathy or understanding or consolation or tough talk or ANYTHING!

I finally get happy with me (complacent) and now its too late. Day late and a dollar short because now I really DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE and I am burning fire ants mad about it. 

F this and F that and F, F, F, F, F.

The ONLY reason I went for a walk this morning was out of pure anger. I have no drive or determination or cute outfit I want to wear one day in the unpromised future.....I'm just pissed the F off. 

That's all I have to say. 

w: 322

bs: 232

bp: 165/91

Mood: Psychotically Angry

Breakfast: Egg Cups (2) (egg whites, sun dried tomatoes, turkey sausage, cheddar cheese, mushrooms, green peppers, and red onions)

Lunch: Tossed salad with 1/4 cup of turkey, 1 egg, 1/2 cup tomatoes, 2 cups iceburg lettuce, 2 tbs ranch

Dinner: 6 oz. pork

64 oz water

319.9

Hey out there!!!!

Okay, we have established that I am a slack poster....don't judge me.

I am officially 319.9, I just made it into the 300 teen's but damn it, I'm there.

Wanted to share that quickie. I will post later. I'm not giving up! Hugs to you all! -S.