Disgusted and Fed Up

So, if nothing else this blog will serve to show how many failed attempts a person can make at getting "wherever" they are trying to go.

I am angry, tired, and disgusted. There is nothing anyone else can do about how I am feeling but me. I am in a "hell no, we won't go" state of mind today. I don't see it changing for a while either. 

I am not apologetic and I am damn sure not attempting to be uplifting in any sort of way. I am not blaming anyone or asking for any sympathy or understanding or consolation or tough talk or ANYTHING!

I finally get happy with me (complacent) and now its too late. Day late and a dollar short because now I really DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE and I am burning fire ants mad about it. 

F this and F that and F, F, F, F, F.

The ONLY reason I went for a walk this morning was out of pure anger. I have no drive or determination or cute outfit I want to wear one day in the unpromised future.....I'm just pissed the F off. 

That's all I have to say. 

w: 322

bs: 232

bp: 165/91

Mood: Psychotically Angry

Breakfast: Egg Cups (2) (egg whites, sun dried tomatoes, turkey sausage, cheddar cheese, mushrooms, green peppers, and red onions)

Lunch: Tossed salad with 1/4 cup of turkey, 1 egg, 1/2 cup tomatoes, 2 cups iceburg lettuce, 2 tbs ranch

Dinner: 6 oz. pork

64 oz water

319.9

Hey out there!!!!

Okay, we have established that I am a slack poster....don't judge me.

I am officially 319.9, I just made it into the 300 teen's but damn it, I'm there.

Wanted to share that quickie. I will post later. I'm not giving up! Hugs to you all! -S.

11/18/13 - Morning

Hey there!

So, I have been battling a chest cold that keeps moving between my head and chest. I stopped walking about 7 or 8 days ago on a daily basis because I just couldn't get my body to do more in the sicky phase. This is my third week with this but it seems to be letting up some. I did go for an hour and a half - two hour walk on Sunday with my daughter through the woods. It was so peaceful and we took some awesome "selfies". I will be doing that on a regular basis as it was very calming and I also walked on uneven terrain so it was challenging too!

I am learning to enjoy movement over trying to lose weight. My body is changing for the better. Things are tightening up. I'm not starving all the time and I am paying attention to keeping myself hydrated so that rocks too! I'm still here and still going strong.

I signed up for a 30 Burpees/30 days challenge. I'm spreading the burpees throughout the day though. May be going to a yoga class tonight. Its a yoga/pilates mix.....pray for my inflexible muscles....lol. Hugs to me and you all!!!! -S.

11/04/13 - Morning

Hello!

I hope that everyone has been doing well. I have been working my booty off (literally) and have yet to give up or give in!!!!

I am not following Dukan exclusively but rather pulling on years of dieting experience and doing what I know will work for me as a lifestyle change. So, 90% Dukan and 10% my ideas!!!

I am logging in today with a weight of 326.5. Which is a great deal down from where I started a couple of weeks back (again). I am really happy with my progress and my energy levels are increasing. I am still getting up for my 5 or 5:30am walks and I have joined a gym as well. I went for my first day yesterday and it was really needed. Zen.

Anyhoo. Keep your head in the game and remember you aren't the only one! Stay strong cause I will. Hugs to me and you!!!! -S.

10/24/13 - Morning

I am paying the piper for my little jig of disaster with the mac and cheese temptress. I'm up a couple of pounds from yesterday. Yesterday I was 331.8 and today I am 333.9. :(

However, I still got up and went for my walk and I did my meditation last night as promised. I also took a mini 10 minute walk last night to continue to try to appease the mac and cheese gods.....I don't know if it worked but I'm pushing forward!!!! Onward lifestyle changing soldier!!!! I also skipped my nightcap. Not willingly but either way I made it through. Didn't fall asleep until after 1am but I feel very rested.

I plan to go walk through the county park this weekend. They have a nature trail. Shanna went already and she liked it, so I must see.....

I have been taking all of my meds for my bs/bp as well. I am being good. It feels good to be good, most of the time anyhoo.

Since I have been walking this week it is KILLING ME to go up the stairs at work. Why is that??????? ugh. Well, I hope everyone has a wondermuss day and loves themselves just the way you are at this moment in time!!! Hugs to me and you!

10/23/13 - Morning

So, I cheated last night when I danced with the devil....that devil's name you ask???? Cheesy Cheeseburger Macaroni!!!!!!! Shanna makes this AMAZING cheeseburger mac and I can not keep myself from eating it. It started with me asking her to make it for "Cadence". Then is turned into, "I will just have a small spoonful". Then rapidly (and without fail might I add) went into overdrive.....picture: me, spoon, skillet.......end of story

My daughter stood behind me saying "Just stop eating it, Mom"and I was all "I can't!!!!" It was, in a word, DELICIOUS.  However, I do have some remorse today as I was doing well. Long story, short I was 400 calories over what I should have had yesterday. I am going to pay it back with a second walk tonight.

On a happier note, I did exercise this morning but will save my meditation for tonight. I got up at 5am but realized that I will need to get up at 4 in order to do my meditation and my walk without feeling like I am under the gun.

I'm excited about today and happy to have my life. I love it!!!! I hope everyone is feeling well. Hugs to me and to you! -S.

10/22/13 - Morning

So, this morning started off with meditation. 40 minutes of meditation as a matter of fact. It was excellent! I feel at ease in my spirit this morning and that is way more than I am able to thank God for, but thanks anyway, BIG GUY!!!

I found a really cool app named "Lose it!" for iphone. I'm not sure if it is available on android or not. Anyhoo, it helps to log the food that you are eating, tracks the calories in the food, provides a target calorie range and shows how much fat, carbs, sat fat, fiber, sodium, etc. that you are eating. It even allows you to log your exercise and gives you more calories as a treat!!! Woohoo!

I walked this morning as well and it was a nice walk (I took my little dog too) :0). I am still feeling motivated. Which is good for me. I usually can find some reason to take a break or quit but so far so good. Day by day.

While I was listening to my guided meditation, it talked about listening to your body for hunger queues and it said that if you are hungry and want something sugary, bready, or sweetie then you are NOT hungry. Any true hunger should be able to be satiated with a bit of protein, veg, or a small piece of fruit, or a handful of nuts. This actually made sense to me. Halloween is upon us kiddies and that means sweets in my house. I am dreading it. Food is truly an addiction and I have decided I am going in recovery. My stomach was giving me the blues yesterday just begging me for food, anything....and my mouth was in cahoots!!! Trying to sabotage my heart and head. I fought the good fight though and didn't have any slip ups! I deliberately had my nightcap but after logging that and really for the first time seeing how many calories are in it...I'm like....hmph. NOT WORTH IT. So, gotta figure out a different way to cap my night.

Sugar-free crap......I don't think there is much more to say about that except that....crap. The less of that crap I eat and add to coffee and tea or whatever, the less I want the real thing.....imagine that...wanting a real version of a morphed duplication. The mind ponders. lol. Not really. Stay off of sugar free crap. It gives you diabetes.....how do I know??? Check my sugar. Well, I'm off to enjoy my workday. Hugs and Love to me and you. -S.