Verdict: 324.2
I have a confession to make. I am scared out of my mind about losing weight. I have been waiting for the pounds to start to come down and I have been experiencing inches lost instead and now the pounds are starting to melt down a bit and I am horrified.
This. Is. Pure. Craziness.
I think I need some therapy. I am sitting here fighting back tears of dread because I am wearing a shirt I just bought a couple of months ago and looking at myself in the mirror this morning wearing it made me scared of what I am becoming. I looked like I was wearing someone else's clothes. I'm horrified.
I guess I have identified myself with being heavy for so long that it is a
I am actually going walking during my lunch hour each day, I have been true to my every other day schedule of Zumba, so far anyway. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Why am I being responsible and caring toward this person I have hated so much for so long.....ME.
Okay, the tears have come now and I'm sitting here at work crying like an unhinged person...well silently weeping anyway, but I'm a drama queen.
Has anyone experienced this before. What did you do? How did you handle it? Did you even identify it as what I am explaining. I'm growing and changing and losing (weight). I don't know who I am. But I am still willing and wanting to learn this new woman. I want to hug her and tell her its going to be okay. I want her to know that I have missed her. I just don't know her language yet. Guess I'm gonna have to see if Rosetta Stone has a translator for Fat Girl to Skinny Girl speak. (lil joke, but really) HELP!
Hugs.....
Ok, actually what you are going through is totally normal, I will give you a few examples of times where my weight loss affected me emotionally, you might see them as a little crazy, but here we go:
ReplyDelete1) Losing my boobs. I had associated myself as a big-boobed girl for forever. I had always had huge boobs. When I was fat guys would pay attention to me because of them, I was 'That chick with the big tits' right? It was the only attractive part of me (or so I thought) so on Dukan when I started losing them, I would weep, cry, I considered gaining all the weight back just to have my boobs back.
Because without them I was unnattractive.
Recently I was called 'stunning' by some guy I didn't even know... that beats out 'Woah, nice tits' anyday :)
2) I recently have gotten into womens bodybuilding. I have been working really hard at the gym and had an anxiety attack over guys finding me attractive, I was crying to my friend and saying that 'the only guy who will ever want to be with me is some big, muscular man who works out a lot' and I was seriously crying about it. She just looked at me and said:
'You are dumb' and walked away. XD
Working towards looking sexier, whether it be losing weight, or the eventual step of working on your fitness, only make you sexier, don't you want to be sexier? :)
Keep working hard sweetie, this new you might be a scary you, but you will not only FEEL so much better health-wise, but you will feel so much better, sexy-wise ;)
Keep us updated!
Okay, AGAIN, I am so so so happy you are around. I appreciate the quick response to my cry for help. I am going to try to focus on being relaxed about it and not freaking out about it. I understand exactly what you are saying to me and I'm digesting it.
ReplyDeleteYour friend is funny......
Thank you for sharing that. I had read your post about your boobies before and you are right, it is an emotional tie.
I have never really been massively overweight so I probably don't completely understand what you are going through. My struggles have come from being compared to my young self. I was always always ALWAYS the skinny girl. I got married, started work and reality set in as I had to cook and work and well... we had takeaways a LOT and suddenly I'm 30 pounds heavier. I really really struggled with all the weight I had gained, I felt so afraid people would judge me and wonder why I let myself go. It's been a constant battle for me. It effected my already low self esteem big time.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm almost at my goal, I'm not as slim as I was when I was skinny but I'm feeling so much more confident and happy.
Funnily enough when I got my massive boobs when I put on my weight, I never felt comfortable in them.... but I miss them a teeny bit now ;-)
PS Water yesterday was terrible but today I'm nearly at my 3 litres :-)
I understand what you mean. In this journey this is the only time I will have ever been at any resemblance of a normal weight at all. I don't even have anything to remember to return to and when I was "smaller" I was 12 or 13, so that isn't a real good gauge of anything. I appreciate you "weighing in" (pun intended :0) ) Hugs!!!
DeleteAlso, good job on your 3 liters, I am proud of you!