The Climb....

So today, as cheesy as it is, "The Climb" has been my motivation to get out of bed and get going.

At the advice of the Dukan Dietress (our magical weight loss fairygodmother) I'm going to suck it up and move on.

The most painful thing that I was ever told during a breakup was...ready? Here goes: "Living a Life with you would be like living a life full of despair"

Yep. (note: this person is still a friend of mine)

That was trumped with this breakup though.....although not a flattering combo of words like the above heart crushing statement.....it still goes into the hall of fame

The winner??? "I don't know why we were even together in the first place" ( Nearly 4 years later, just said the day before yesterday) OUCH!!!! (but, this is a friend now too)

Now, that was soul crushing....but...I have put the pieces back together.....and I'm hugging me and validating me.

(Sounds like my "friends" don't have a very high opinion of me, huh? I just have to be thankful that I have people to call a friend I guess)

So, to make it final...one last thing.....

I do want to say, no matter how miserable I may be or how much misery I create or if people can spend 4 years of there life with me an then wonder why they were ever with me to begin with....(sheesh), I am certain that I am here to love and be loved.

So, I won't be a downer anymore. Cause no one wants to hear it anyway.

I will shift the course of my cruise ship toward happy island instead of being caught up in the storm of the broken heart. Deal? Great.

Back to this diet thing.....Dukan was what it was called right??? To celebrate....here are the lyrics to "The Climb"

The Climb lyricsSongwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
175lbs....here I come!

Hugs....

I am not broken, I am free...

Heartbreak opens onto the sunrise
For even breaking is opening
And I am broken
I am open
Broken to the new light without
pushing in
Open to the possibilities within
pushing out
See the love shine in through my
cracks
See the light shine out through me?
I am broken
I am open
I am Broken Open
See the love-light shining through
me
Shining through my cracks
Through the gaps
My Spirit takes journey
My Spirit takes flight
Could not have risen otherwise
And I am not Running
I am Choosing
Running is not a Choice
From the Breaking
Breaking is freeing
Broken is freedom
I am not broken
I am free.
- Pariah (Ending poem)

So this poem comes from a movie named "Pariah" and it is very fitting for me today. As many of you know my blog has been a "debbie downer" blog as of late due to my family being ripped away from me. However, I came to the realization that I have to continue being me. I can't allow myself not to be me. No matter how wronged I feel and no matter how hurt I am from the lies and the broken promises, I must be me.

I knew a long time ago that the only "person" in my life would be my daughter and GOD. However, I kept hoping that there may be someone out there that wanted nothing more than me. I thought I had found that and I pushed everything I know and love away to keep it and the end result is I am alone again as always.

It's not you, its me.....that thing. However, it is me and its me because my life is not here for sharing it with some other individual. My life is here to be available to and guide my daughter and serve my Lord. There is room for NOTHING else. Something always removes others from me. It's tragic and the majority of the time I hate it and I wish things were different and I wish people wouldn't even come around me when they are just gonna walk right out when they want. Leaving me with all the responsibility while they walk out free and enjoy their lives. But, it's not for me to decide and I am always able to take care of myself and I will always be able to, because GOD does that for me.

If I relied on people I would be shriveled up and frail, beaten, raped, malnourished and sleeping in a ditch, because people don't care for me, GOD does though. So I haven't had to live out the plans that others have made for me. Thank GOD for that.

I can't focus on the past and make it to my future. I mostly hate that I had my daughter thinking I could provide her with a stable two parent home, cause I can't. I will never give up my full time job of being a single mother again in order to make another person part of our home. Cause at the end of the day, they walk out anyway and I don't want that life for my daughter. I hope one day she understands that I was only trying to be loved. I should have focused on her love alone and I wouldn't have to tell her sorry now.

But, I am NOT BROKEN, I AM FREE....

Hugs...