Monday, August 24, 2015

3 days off and then on again

New trend for no reason:

I have been going strong and then fall ALL the way off the wagon for 3 day periods. Then I go back and jump back in like I never stopped.

Problem is that when I don't go it directly affects my mood....what am I talking about.....the walk with the beast. The beast being my old self that I am trying to shed.

I see a small change and then I revert back because I'm scared.

List of scary things:

1. Having to go shopping for new clothes and not being in the size I think I should be in. Meaning...I have had the same stretched out clothes for so long that they are starting to not fit and if I go shopping and find out I'm in a 24 (which in my mind I always have been) I will just say screw this and quit for good.

2. Looking funny. I mean looking like I'm in between sizes and things not fitting appropriately and new lumps and bumps where I'm not used to seeing them....the good ones and the bad ones.

3. Cost. I have to watch all money and to turn around spending it on myself is selfish in my mind. I know, I gotta get over it. That is gonna take some time.

4. Worry about going up again. I don't wanna start changing what is going on currently to fit a new body that is emerging and end up swelling back up like the Macy's day parade and having to go shopping for BIGGER clothes....again.

5. More time working out....I can barely drag myself out of bed now and I have had to adjust my time already to be out of the house by 5. Really should be out of the house by 4:15am that is.....What does that mean for me and my usual routine of nothingness (No. I. Don't. Like. Change.)

P.S. My boobs are still huge and I have what appears to be 3 booty cheeks.....yuck.

That is all for today. Hugs and Love. -S.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

More Water

My new goal is to drink more water. I need to get up to about 5 gallons per day. I am currently on gallon one. lol.

I have drank up to 3 gallons of water a day at one point in time. I slacked off and now I'm ready to pick up the slack. Or, wipe the slate clean and just start brand new.

I have my favorite orange cup that I am using and that is helpful in keeping me sipping. The part that isn't my friend is how it causes frequent "visits"....but in the past I have found those to slack off as my body gets used to the increase in water intake. So, I will update on my progress here later on.

Gripe O' Da Day: STILL SORE!!!!

I keep going, every morning. I get up and I go. However, I am still very sore. I think that I am missing some type of mineral or supplement. I am going to seek out some type of way to get into a hot tub. I REALLY need to soak. I'm talking like five 15 minute sessions of soaking. Its not in my joints, thankfully! Its my tiny muscles, they are screaming. (helppppp helppppp helppppp, she won't stop moving) That was the tiny muscles screaming by the way.

I have also begun to realize that I have a distorted image of what my body actually looks like. I'm not sure how to describe it other than this way: I can tell my clothes are fitting differently in such a short time and I can tell I'm more mobile and I can feel the difference in my range of movement. However, when I look at myself I feel like I am getting fatter and fatter. My stomach looks bigger, my hands feel bigger, my boobs look bigger, my face looks fatter, my neck seems to be turning into rolls and my arms look dimply and flabby. Whew....okay. That was a lot.

I don't know if this is normal to feel this way or if this is an issue. Either way....I'm still hanging in there people.

Love and Hugs - S.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

2 Miles

Hey there!

I just discovered yesterday that I have actually been walking two miles a day all this time!!!! I clocked the distance in my car and was truly amazed to realize that from point A to point B was a full mile. Since I have to get back home after my walk.....that's right.... TWO MILES!

I'm doing a happy dance, trust me you are happy just for not being able to see Either way, it explains the soreness and the soreness actually went away for the first time yesterday too.....

I totally blew off my walk yesterday and I don't even have a real reason why, I just didn't do it. When I don't get up and do it first thing in the morning, the day provides all kinds of excuses for me not to do it later. That is a trap that I have come to recognize and I must overcome that for my own personal reasons.

I find myself thinking while I'm walking....who am I cheating if I walk slower? Who is getting the short end of the stick when I weasel my way out of making good choices? No one but me. I am the one who reaps the guilt, frustration, bad feelings, depressed mood. Me. I have to do myself a solid and remember that when I am fantasizing about doing less than my best.

I read some blogs to try to get myself more motivated and it kinda did the opposite. I wanted to read the experiences of others who walked 2 miles a day and how it made them feel, what kind of changes they discovered in their mind, body and spirit. You know what I found instead? People who were fit going on and on about how walking was the laziest exercise every and barely kept you basically fit. What a crock of shit. The all or nothing mentality is what keeps people obese and shunning themselves. Every step you take toward a better you is quite the opposite of lazy. It is empowering. I encourage myself and others to keep taking just that one step to a better you.

If one step toward a better you is 4 donuts instead of 5, so be it. Next time go down to 3 instead of 4 you donut lover you......

I'm learning that some is better than none when it comes to taking care of myself specifically. The try is where the change is made. I'm going to keep trying.

I was standing in the kitchen at work and I was like what is that feeling on my booty area???!!! Guess what it was...a space between my butt cheek and my thigh...lmao....I have a booty cheek now and not just what I lovingly called that area, "my butthigh" (buh thy). I don't recall every feeling that piece of booty before.... I likey.

Hugs and love to all! -S.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Super Irritated

I know, I know.... right on the heels of a wonderful mindset type of day, here I come with the BS.

I woke up with a negative attitude this morning. I didn't want to get up, didn't want to go walk, didn't want to drink water, didn't want to shower, didn't want to get dressed, didn't want to pack lunches, didn't want to, rinse. repeat....blah blah blahhhhhhh

Well, I pushed through it all. I would like to add that I did not smoke a cig this morning. I just didn't want anything. I have some rotten little cuss in my head that is making me want to go in a dark closet and sit there and just mumble mean things. I have ZERO reason as to why.

Is this normal when beginning an exercise program? I want it to go away. I am a positive and sunny side up person. So, this presence is very toxic to me. Low energy vibrations right now.

Maybe I'm dehydrated? My muscles are still so sore....its like a new one hurts every day. I can feel the muscles in my cheeks when I yawn...this seems wrong. I don't want a strong face. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Okay...carry on. Hugs and Love (from a sourpuss) -S.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I Did 10 and Rested 1

Alright, here's the latest on me....

I walked one mile a day for ten days straight! I was just plain tired on the 11th day so I didn't do anything. I got up and got back out there again today!

I am threatening to walk again tonight. I feel a little guilty about missing that one day. I know I shouldn't but I set a goal to just walk a mile a day for the rest of my days. I guess that was unrealistic? I was also going to punish myself by making myself count my days over from the beginning.....but that is counterproductive too.

I have to learn to be nicer to myself. I am working on it. I'm noticing that walking is also helping me cleanse myself of anger. I'm pretty angry most of the time and it comes from all kind of places, but I push it down and I don't address it. Walking gives me a moment away from even my own self. I think it is making me feel happier. I will continue testing that theory...stay tuned.

Changes I have noticed so far:

None physically. Oddly enough every time I start working out I feel like I am bigger than I was before....and the pain from being sedentary is fairly pronounced. I feel super old and out of shape. Which I am, but I'm working on it. While showering, I did notice that I saw a bit more of my hip than I am used to seeing, so something is rearranging at the very least.

Weight check? NO. Not yet. I'm gonna try to stay off the scale until my birthday. Sept. 26. I am predicting that I will be at 290 by then. I know you are thinking...well what are you now????!!! lol. At last check I was at about 318 - 19 and that was at least two months ago. So, that is a VERY conservative estimate because I should be able to drop forty pounds by then. That's a total of  53 days. We will see where we land. Sept. 26, 2015....first updated weight check day.

I send out lots of light and love to all of you and hope that life continues to flow in a positive direction for all. Hugs and love -S.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Sore ALL OVER!!!

Hey hey hey hey!!!

It's your old pal Krusty.... j/k...its just me.

I am on my fifth straight day of walking and I am SO SORE ALL OVER! I feel like even my eyelids are sore. (tragic)

I am being honest with myself and realize I am in a phase where I can not take one day off because I will just stop doing everything. I have to stay in motion. So, I don't see a day off coming for at least the next month.

I started out doing a 30 minute mile and I have knocked that down to a 20 minute mile already. I know that isn't super fast for all but it is super fast for me. I am making it out of the house at about 5:45 am. I need to get that time to 5:00am to give myself the right amount of time if I decide to go a little further than the mile. Baby steps.

Another win this week is that I was able to put on a 2x outfit. I can't recall the last time I was able to do this and not look like someone was trying to put a bag over my head and kidnap me. So, YAY!

Best wishes....Hugs and Love to All! -S.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Crossed My Legs Under the Desk

Hello All!!!

My victory for today is that I crossed my legs under my desk at work. How cool is that? Pretty cool is the

I additionally ran across an old college mate's blogspot and ya'll should check it out. I'm inspired by her story and it is ongoing which is cool too. You can see it at

Either way. I looked into a trip to Europe for next year when school let's out for Cade. She is very in love with the European Culture and wants to visit London. I want to make that happen for her. It would be nice for me too (secret yay).

Still haven't felt the urge to move...did not go on the walk I threatened to go on the other day either. However, I have been eating better. I did succumb to a homemade grilled cheese last night and haven't gone without my cocktail yet.  The water has been increased so I am NOT complaining.

I do want to start going to the gym when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. I will let ya'll know how that goes. Laying out my gym clothes will make it easier to grab and go...maybe I will try that.

Nothing else significant to report today...

Be well and know I'm sending hugs and love to all. -S.