11/18/13 - Morning

Hey there!

So, I have been battling a chest cold that keeps moving between my head and chest. I stopped walking about 7 or 8 days ago on a daily basis because I just couldn't get my body to do more in the sicky phase. This is my third week with this but it seems to be letting up some. I did go for an hour and a half - two hour walk on Sunday with my daughter through the woods. It was so peaceful and we took some awesome "selfies". I will be doing that on a regular basis as it was very calming and I also walked on uneven terrain so it was challenging too!

I am learning to enjoy movement over trying to lose weight. My body is changing for the better. Things are tightening up. I'm not starving all the time and I am paying attention to keeping myself hydrated so that rocks too! I'm still here and still going strong.

I signed up for a 30 Burpees/30 days challenge. I'm spreading the burpees throughout the day though. May be going to a yoga class tonight. Its a yoga/pilates mix.....pray for my inflexible muscles....lol. Hugs to me and you all!!!! -S.

11/04/13 - Morning

Hello!

I hope that everyone has been doing well. I have been working my booty off (literally) and have yet to give up or give in!!!!

I am not following Dukan exclusively but rather pulling on years of dieting experience and doing what I know will work for me as a lifestyle change. So, 90% Dukan and 10% my ideas!!!

I am logging in today with a weight of 326.5. Which is a great deal down from where I started a couple of weeks back (again). I am really happy with my progress and my energy levels are increasing. I am still getting up for my 5 or 5:30am walks and I have joined a gym as well. I went for my first day yesterday and it was really needed. Zen.

Anyhoo. Keep your head in the game and remember you aren't the only one! Stay strong cause I will. Hugs to me and you!!!! -S.

10/24/13 - Morning

I am paying the piper for my little jig of disaster with the mac and cheese temptress. I'm up a couple of pounds from yesterday. Yesterday I was 331.8 and today I am 333.9. :(

However, I still got up and went for my walk and I did my meditation last night as promised. I also took a mini 10 minute walk last night to continue to try to appease the mac and cheese gods.....I don't know if it worked but I'm pushing forward!!!! Onward lifestyle changing soldier!!!! I also skipped my nightcap. Not willingly but either way I made it through. Didn't fall asleep until after 1am but I feel very rested.

I plan to go walk through the county park this weekend. They have a nature trail. Shanna went already and she liked it, so I must see.....

I have been taking all of my meds for my bs/bp as well. I am being good. It feels good to be good, most of the time anyhoo.

Since I have been walking this week it is KILLING ME to go up the stairs at work. Why is that??????? ugh. Well, I hope everyone has a wondermuss day and loves themselves just the way you are at this moment in time!!! Hugs to me and you!

10/23/13 - Morning

So, I cheated last night when I danced with the devil....that devil's name you ask???? Cheesy Cheeseburger Macaroni!!!!!!! Shanna makes this AMAZING cheeseburger mac and I can not keep myself from eating it. It started with me asking her to make it for "Cadence". Then is turned into, "I will just have a small spoonful". Then rapidly (and without fail might I add) went into overdrive.....picture: me, spoon, skillet.......end of story

My daughter stood behind me saying "Just stop eating it, Mom"and I was all "I can't!!!!" It was, in a word, DELICIOUS.  However, I do have some remorse today as I was doing well. Long story, short I was 400 calories over what I should have had yesterday. I am going to pay it back with a second walk tonight.

On a happier note, I did exercise this morning but will save my meditation for tonight. I got up at 5am but realized that I will need to get up at 4 in order to do my meditation and my walk without feeling like I am under the gun.

I'm excited about today and happy to have my life. I love it!!!! I hope everyone is feeling well. Hugs to me and to you! -S.

10/22/13 - Morning

So, this morning started off with meditation. 40 minutes of meditation as a matter of fact. It was excellent! I feel at ease in my spirit this morning and that is way more than I am able to thank God for, but thanks anyway, BIG GUY!!!

I found a really cool app named "Lose it!" for iphone. I'm not sure if it is available on android or not. Anyhoo, it helps to log the food that you are eating, tracks the calories in the food, provides a target calorie range and shows how much fat, carbs, sat fat, fiber, sodium, etc. that you are eating. It even allows you to log your exercise and gives you more calories as a treat!!! Woohoo!

I walked this morning as well and it was a nice walk (I took my little dog too) :0). I am still feeling motivated. Which is good for me. I usually can find some reason to take a break or quit but so far so good. Day by day.

While I was listening to my guided meditation, it talked about listening to your body for hunger queues and it said that if you are hungry and want something sugary, bready, or sweetie then you are NOT hungry. Any true hunger should be able to be satiated with a bit of protein, veg, or a small piece of fruit, or a handful of nuts. This actually made sense to me. Halloween is upon us kiddies and that means sweets in my house. I am dreading it. Food is truly an addiction and I have decided I am going in recovery. My stomach was giving me the blues yesterday just begging me for food, anything....and my mouth was in cahoots!!! Trying to sabotage my heart and head. I fought the good fight though and didn't have any slip ups! I deliberately had my nightcap but after logging that and really for the first time seeing how many calories are in it...I'm like....hmph. NOT WORTH IT. So, gotta figure out a different way to cap my night.

Sugar-free crap......I don't think there is much more to say about that except that....crap. The less of that crap I eat and add to coffee and tea or whatever, the less I want the real thing.....imagine that...wanting a real version of a morphed duplication. The mind ponders. lol. Not really. Stay off of sugar free crap. It gives you diabetes.....how do I know??? Check my sugar. Well, I'm off to enjoy my workday. Hugs and Love to me and you. -S.

10/21/13 - Morning

When I started this blog I had the best intentions. Thoughts on becoming a new me, thinking "This is it!, this is the diet I have been looking for that is going to change my existence". I was a fool. There is nothing wrong with the diet or me. I can tell you though that I am the same weight as when I started this nearly two years ago. Why? Good question, and I do not have an answer for you.

I am in poor health. I have diabetes and high blood pressure and I am obese. I live a sedentary lifestyle and I don't miss my ritual nightcap(s) either. Why would I want this life? Why would I continue to CHOOSE to live this way on a daily basis. Why would I enjoy this? Yes, I must enjoy it or I would not continue to live this way.... maybe I feel trapped. My relationship with food is like that of a battered spouse. I keep letting myself be abused by my intake of its "love". I won't reach out for help, I'm scared to leave, I make plans to leave and start anew and I keep laying down with it every night.

I am trying again. I am in escape mode....again. Am I looking for support? NO. Am I looking for someone to identify with me? NO. Am I trying to figure out who the hell I have become.....maybe. My struggle with what I allow in my mouth and what I do with my body is the biggest obstacle I have ever dealt with in my life. Food has been my friend, my lover, my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my child, my teacher, my preacher and even my demi-god. I have worshipped chocolate chip cookies. I have worshipped a fat steak. Either way it goes, food has an addictive control over my life. It is my slave master. I am owned.

So, how do I change this? How do I morph this. I have no clue. But I am going to try again. Right now. Not next week or after breakfast or in the morning. Right now. I forgive myself for failure in the past. I will no longer be the toy of an inanimate object. I will control my mouth and my body. They have been issued to me to take care of and I have a job to get done. I pray you find your way as well. Hugs to all. I'm back. -S.

So it has been over a month since my last post...

.....and I have decided that I am going to stop apologizing. I will come here and post when I feel like it and when I don't I won't and until I have a better attitude that is just that.....Hmph!

Alright, aversion tantrum complete. I am going to do a better job but I really am not going to apologize...I am perfectly imperfect and to quote everyone's fave baby dinosaur "Gotta love me".....

I have stopped smoking. Don't know if I every mentioned that I did on here before but I did. I always told my doctor that it was 2 or 4 cigs a day but in reality it was half a pack or more a day depending on how I was feeling....I still tell the same "2 or 3" drinks a day lie but I am working on that too! Don't judge me!


But this is my 4th week not smoking and I am pretty damn proud of myself. I was smoking for silly reasons anyway...because a friend of mine used to and I wanted to be like her over 15 years ago....pure insanity.

I'm maturing though and dropping all these cutely wrapped packages of crap I have collected throughout life. Smoking was one of the worst and I have to say that I can actually thank those "Tips from Smokers" commercials for the success in actually quitting.

The one in particular that made me go.......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! was the one where this womans finger tips and toes were all gone and this young man's legs were gone due to cardiovascular disease which promoted poor circulation from smoking!!!!!! It's horrible to think of. So, I quit. Thank you PSA's. The link is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WrWwUsKKN8

Then to stay quit, I have been watching another stop smoking commercial from Australia......this one is not for those with week stomachs so if that is you do not watch the linked video below but shock treatment works best for me.....it is very jarring but helps me remember why I have quit when the cravings try to get the best of me. The link is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rSrrSTW0UU


So, moving back to weight loss....now I have to work on my drinking. That I will be reducing over the next couple of weeks....no cold turkey on that one....but I will reduce by one each week until I am down to zero, shouldn't take more than 2 weeks to reduce the frequency and volume both.

I have lost about 4 pounds....but I know I can do much better. Need to add back in the exercise and the oat bran.

How is everyone out there doing? Talk to me if you can. Hugs to you all. I miss my bloggy buds.....Hugs!

Time keeps on slippin'

Hey Ya'll,

I'm still trying to stay on track and keep myself focused. The walking has been going well and I am getting stronger as each week passes by. No real results to post right now because I have been very on and off with the eating part so I pretty much am just maintaining instead of losing.....I know, that needs to change.

I am going to an event this weekend and bought the cutest little dress. It isn't really black tie appropriate but I am going to dress it up with my accessories and hair...wish me luck!

Work is going well, nothing to report there either.

I will have internet again after tomorrow, so I will pick up my posts then, maybe be accountable.....we can dream.

I hope you all are doing well and staying on plan.....I send my hugs.......

-S.

Happy Monday!

Okay, so I am aware the title is an oxymoron but what are you gonna do? lol

Life is going well, no real news to report. I kept a blood sugar of 129 across the weekend and then this morning it was up to 175....I didn't walk for the past three days but will get back on that today. My eating has still been right on track. I did make some pita chips this weekend but they were made from good stuff at home.

I need another water bottle cause I can't seem to keep up with the one I have and I don't like sharing water bottles within the household for various reasons.

A little discord in the household because some people like to lie alot but its all good because I always land on my feet so I just gotta remember that I have to count on me and stop letting other people think I need them when they could give a crap less about me.....ya know!

I'm hoping for a good solid week, those are my plans anyway....looking forward to the weekend already but I will make sure to find something to enjoy about each day on the way there. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day so far and if not get busy making it a good day.

Hugs....

More not so great health news....

Hey All,

Well, I went to the doctor yesterday and got all my lab results back. Apparently I have been on death's doorbell for quite some time, I'm glad he was out busy collecting others and didn't realize I was trying to get in....sheesh.

A1C = 12.3

Cholesterol: = 230

These were the bad numbers

Everything else was in a decent range, thank GOD!

I have to go to the cardiologist tomorrow and I also get a CT scan tomorrow to figure out what is going on with my lymph node behind my ear, its freaking out on me too.

Either way, I have still been doing well. Nothing remarkable to report. Just trying to keep myself focused on making positive changes and enjoying my life more. Tired of hiding.

Angel posted a comment saying it was too bad it took all of this.....unfortunately, I'm just one of those people....I have to get hit by the bus to move out of the street.

Its okay though, I just know what matters now and I'm excited about changing. I want to see these numbers go down....I will update tomorrow on what happens at the cardiologist.....eeeeeekkkkkkk.

Hugs....

Doing well so far...

Hey again,

So the stats are, I am down from 334 to 323.2 weight wise since the 16th of Janurary. BS wise, I'm down from 589 to 169.....so things are looking up!

I have been cataloging EVERYTHING that I put into my food hole....its actually starting to become a welcomed thing to do. I have walked everyday since the 16th of January as well, except for Sunday. I have officially decided that I take Sunday off.

I made it to 6 laps on Saturday, which is really good because I had only been doing 4 laps. So this week my goal is to walk 5 laps everyday until Saturday and on Saturday I will bump the next week up to 6 laps each day until the following Saturday after that......baby steps.

I have worked myself up to 5 liters of water a day as well. I actually look forward to drinking my water now where as before I would dread it.

Changes are happening.....nearly dying makes it easier to change I guess......hell, whatever works!

Hugs to you all and best wishes on continued motivation and success!!!!

So, this must be the last stop on this route.....

I'm here and I'm here to stay....good or bad, I must be true to this way of life.

So, guess what happened.....I almost went into a diabetic coma...yep. Sure did. BS was 589. Then it just said "Hi" and it wasn't passing by or being polite.....that translated to "What did you not understand about 589, your blood sugar is molasses"

Went to the ER and I'm still here. This just happened on Monday. I am pretty ashamed that I let myself get to that point. I didn't even realize how bad off I was. I hadn't taken my BS in a month.....not good.

So, I am back with a vengence and guess what....no one even had to prod me into exercising...I scared myself enough to do it myself.

Hugs to you all, I won't quit this time. NEVER SAY DIE.....Let's do this.