New trend for no reason:
I have been going strong and then fall ALL the way off the wagon for 3 day periods. Then I go back and jump back in like I never stopped.
Problem is that when I don't go it directly affects my mood....what am I talking about.....the walk with the beast. The beast being my old self that I am trying to shed.
I see a small change and then I revert back because I'm scared.
List of scary things:
1. Having to go shopping for new clothes and not being in the size I think I should be in. Meaning...I have had the same stretched out clothes for so long that they are starting to not fit and if I go shopping and find out I'm in a 24 (which in my mind I always have been) I will just say screw this and quit for good.
2. Looking funny. I mean looking like I'm in between sizes and things not fitting appropriately and new lumps and bumps where I'm not used to seeing them....the good ones and the bad ones.
3. Cost. I have to watch all money and to turn around spending it on myself is selfish in my mind. I know, I gotta get over it. That is gonna take some time.
4. Worry about going up again. I don't wanna start changing what is going on currently to fit a new body that is emerging and end up swelling back up like the Macy's day parade and having to go shopping for BIGGER clothes....again.
5. More time working out....I can barely drag myself out of bed now and I have had to adjust my time already to be out of the house by 5. Really should be out of the house by 4:15am that is.....What does that mean for me and my usual routine of nothingness (No. I. Don't. Like. Change.)
P.S. My boobs are still huge and I have what appears to be 3 booty cheeks.....yuck.
That is all for today. Hugs and Love. -S.
