322

Hey All,

So that is the number for the day. It's good number, a number I haven't seen since I started this thing....hoping off and on has not helped but I am finally back on with a seat belt and things are moving along at a decent pace.

Yesterday was an all around bad day personally, however, I am doing alright today. Lots of bills to pay this month so I'm not really sure how in the world I am going to make it through the month but God always provides and things come from amazing places to keep my family safe and covered by his grace, so I won't worry my life away over it. I do however have to be aware of how I am paying on things and how I am spending on things. Those are two TOTALLY differen things.

Well, wish me luck for the day and I wish the same for each and every one of you.

Hugs....

Blood Sugar Spike???!!!

Hello All,

So remember how I was saying that my blood sugar was doing well.......pump the brakes! I have no idea what is going on but it shot up on me today. Last night it was 85 and this morning it was 177...I took a second reading and that said 198!!!!! WTH???????

I have been really strict on myself and I have been doing what I would call very very well, what is the right hook from the diabetes department??? How dare you little sugars......I'll get you and your little dog too.....

Anyway, I am not going to fret, I have been taking my medications as prescribed, drinking my water and eating on plan...so, what's that you say??? Where is the exercise part??? Yeah, that thing. I do need to get on the good foot in regard to that.

So, that's it...red alert has been issued regarding why I need to exercise because I refuse to allow this good track of blood sugars to go wonky while I'm trying to do the right things....stuff like that makes you wanna say "I should have eaten the cake"....maybe looking at it cause the issue...I don't know, I just know I will not get frustrated and use this as an excuse to get off track.

I'm full speed ahead right now and I am going to keep moving forward. Scales went down again today, so that is a plus for me.

Hugs....

Feeling Great!

The scale is starting to move again. I am excited because I will be able to go grocery shopping either tomorrow or Friday and stock up on some more palatable items.


How is everyone else doing today?

Hugs!

Pizza....

So.....the office ordered pizza from my most favorite pizza place in Charleston, SC!!!!! Arrrggghhghhdhgahdfhlasdnhfpai h'wef'pids[djfashidflk'msd<> mfsjkcbhvio sn'vcmksd;kfj!!!!!!

I'm not stressed. lol.

I just thought it would be a good idea to blog about it.

I have a co-worker who is supportive of my endeavors and said to me. When people "mess up" often times we ask them "What made you think that was a good idea", when in reality the question should be "What made you think that was not a bad idea"

Once you allow the gate to open with, "Well maybe just this once" is when the flood gates of hell open wide and swallow you inside....lollolololololololol....Haaaaaa (ok, crazy cackling witch moment is over)

I am stronger than pizza. They will only be making it with even more pizza pizzayness when I get to goal weight and besides that I know how to make it Dukan style. Can't whip it up here at work, but I can if I have to have it.

Pizza wasn't even on my mind today, so how can I pine away for something I didn't even want in the first place. It's a trap and I have seen it an supassed it!

Score?

Me: 1
Crap Food: 0


Hugs....

A week of good behavior????

Um, yes....that would be me behaving well. I'm being such a good girl...


I have been sticking to plan and making it a part of my life. I think I have been having an issue in the past with feeling like I should have sides of this or that and not just one component to my meals and losing sight of the fact that food is fuel...it's been like a vacation for me most of my life. So forgive me for my delay in mind change regarding how I view the (FOOD).

:0)

I am changing my mind around about a lot of things lately, changing the diet or rather what I am eating is not good enough...It is going to do me zero justice to force myself to stick to a particular way of eating or exercising and fight myself on it the entire way and then wonder later why the weight is creeping back on. I have to completely CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT LIFE. 

I can't continue to view food and alcohol as medication or luxury or reward or punishment. It has to be viewed as  fuel, well the food anyway. The alcohol is a complete other issue. It really isn't an issue at all besides the fact that sometimes I feel as though my winning personality isn't enough on its own and for that  I forgive myself, because truth be told, I'm some of the best company I know.

I have alot of photos to go through and alot of journals and poems to re-read. I have alot of photos to take and a lot of journals to begin. I am traveling in self - discovery and I am choosing to rule my existence instead of wondering what the next meal is going to bring.

Planning out every detail works of some people. I have tried to brainwash myself into it, but sometimes one size does not fit all and if I expect to get out of the size that does not fit me, I have to change my mind.

It's changing....Hope all of you are doing well and feeling confident and focused and powerful and useful in this vast universe....My hugs are out there for each and every one of you....BE WELL.

Hugs....

Holding ON!

Hey All,

I am happy to report that I have been successfully back on track for about 4 days now, which is a good umpteeeeenth start for me. Yippee!

I have been eating clean and not falling into the trap of sneaking in carbs. I am working on weaving some movement back in as well. I'm excited about this week as I am finally getting paid again and hopefully I can get some yummy food items that will make me feel like a well eating queen again.

I may even threaten to make some seitan...haven't quite decided yet though. I have been working on my meditation lately and that has been very helpful as well in keeping my mind on the right track. I'm super excited about each day right now. I'm holding on to that too.

Hope everyone is keeping on track and feeling good about their choices....sending out great vibes to all.


Hugs!!!

Friday....

Hey All,

So, it is Friday, yet again. Yay!

Thank you for all of the wonderful suggestions for how to get groceries without taking out a second mortgage.

I am getting is straightened out. I have realized that I really need another way to contact someone to be supportive and vice versa other than just the blog.

I enjoy blogging when I am doing well, but I get kind of recluse when I'm NOT doing well and having someone to text or chit chat with on the phone would be much more beneficial to me. That way there is none of that "dropping off the face of the earth" behavior because I can ignore my email 24/7 but I have my phone on me like it is an appendage.

NOW, don't get me wrong, I'm not the best at answering and replying because I never have my ringer on. However, I am much more accountable to my phone than I am to logging in to the computer without heading straight for facebok to play games and not writing on my blog.

These are just real observations of my overly human life people.....tsk tsk me if you must but my brain is just wired in a way where I can turn this blog off in my head for a series of days and then I end up feeling ashamed to come back especially reporting that my weight hasn't budged or it has gone up. Very self defeating...

I'm a pretty good conversationalist and as long as it isn't an international call, I can make it....I have verizon so even better if you do too....Let me have it people!!! Who needs a text or chat bud? Don't jump all at once...lol.

Seriously though, I'm available. Never know, might make a friend too!

Hugs!!!!

Okay, so.....

Hey All!

So, I have pretty much stopped blogging because I haven't had a doggone thing to report as I have been pretty much off task.

HOWEVER! Today is a new beginning, it is the first day of school for my little miss....she is officially a 3rd grader and I am so very proud of her!!!!

This also marks the first year that I turn to prostitution to fund her private school education. (Joking) However, things are tight like gnat booty financially because of the adjustments that need to be made to make sure she is in the type of learning environment she needs to be in to be the best that she can be. I am willing, able, ready and excited.

So this leads to how to get back on track with Dukan on a budget. I am on a journey to figure out how to do this on a tight budget. Since we have been trying to wrangle this money together to the tune of 420 a month (that is already reduced by 200 worth of scholarships) I have been eating rice and pasta and soups to stretch things out. I haven't turned to beans yet, so I am pulling up the reigns and thinking of how to get what I need from things like, I don't know...ummmm....canned tuna or salmon, hot dogs, turkey bacon, chicken. I know some of this is alot higher in fat than I need but I need to get somewhere near the plan.

Any thoughts or suggestions???? I can't go grocery shopping again until after the 1st of the month when I get my paycheck (only once a month.....ugh) but I am still committed to trying. I am labeling myself the comeback kid because I will comeback and I will succeed!!!!

Today's menu:

B: 2 Boiled Eggs

S: Yogurt (NonFat)

L: 2 cans of Tinned Tuna

S: Coffee

D: 2 Chicken Breasts

We will see how it goes....

P.S. Moonday......thank you for checking in on me, that particular weekend you asked about..well, I actually did very well. I heart that you checked on me.

Hugs to you All!!!!!

Starting Over AAAAHHHHHHGain.... :0)

Hello Everyone!

So, I am starting over again today. Fresh and new. I recieved a response to an email that I sent out as a cry for help and it is working on my brain stem right now.

I am also going to lay off the booze and cigs. That seems to be the biggest trap for me in regard to my "sticking to the plan" getting thwarted. So, no more cocktails....going for sugar-free mocktails now...and wouldn't you know...Crystal Light actually has some.

Additionally......another big bite off the "Set Shaye Free" apple.....I am putting the cigarettes down. I have really been thinking alot within the past few months about leaving them alone. I don't even enjoy them anymore, I just keep DOING it. Purely habit driven.

So there it is.....I am pretty much a person where I have to clamp down real tight to get the changes made and I have been living like I don't know that about myself. Some people can do one at a time and feel great not letting go all at once. However, I have to do a clear cut of it all to get on task. I'm here.

Thank you all for your continued support of my blog and I hope to be posting good news here regarding these changes and if not....love me anyway!

Hugs!

Starting Again.....dejavu????

Hey All,

So, I have decided I'm just going to keep starting again and again and again until I get this thing right. My thought for today is a car with a full tank of gas. That is where I am right now. My tank is on FULL!!!! Which means that I should work on the maintenance of my "vehicle" and work on using gas and pimping my ride!!! :0)

I am having some yogurt for breakfast and I will probably have some tuna for lunch....Dinner is up in the air right now but I'm thinking chicken. We will see though. I am going to focus on keeping fluids moving through my system today and that is all I am pledging.

I hope that everyone has been doing well.

For anyone that actually reads this blog, I hope that I am demonstrating (although I wish I wasn't) that weight loss and changing a hard coded lifestyle isn't always as easy as 1-2-3. Sometimes A-B-C's get mixed up in there but I will not give up on me. I won't let me get me. I'm going to keep pushing forward and make these changes.

Hugs!!!!

Best Load Bearing Exercise Ever...It will exhaust you though....

Hello People!!!!

So, I have discovered the best load bearing activity ever...guaranteed to take the wind out of you and knock the socks off your feet! It will leave you with your head hung and your back against the wall EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU DO IT!!!!

What is it you say?

Carrying yesterdays......that's right! You too can carry yesterdays.....the fine print? You can't train for walking with tomorrow and enjoying today at the same time. Not responsible for the guilt, shame and depression that come standard with the carrying of yesterdays. No refunds.

This is my task for today. To drop the yesterdays...I have quite a few of them that I neatly tuck inside a little red suitcase that fits neatly in my chest....its called my heart.

I and anybody else in this world are incapable of moving forward as long as we make ourselves masters of looking in the past.

Sure, I have made wrong choices and I have not performed at my very best every single time I have been faced with a situation or a challenge, however, if God thought enough of me to give me another chance to do things differently, who the hell am I to say....ACCESS DENIED.....how foolish????!!!!???

I challenge all of you that come by and take a peek at this post today....cause everything happens for a reason.....to try to let go of at least one of those neatly packaged yesterdays....today! Drop it and leave it to die. Don't feed it, don't send it a care package, don't ask anyone to watch over it....just leave it and let it writhe like a blister in the sun.......


Love you all!

Hugs...

Connection with my cards.....

Hey All,

So, some of you may have seen me discussing my readings before and some of you may not have but I do intuitive readings every other Tuesday at a local pub here and I have expanded my offering to card readings as well.

I invested in a brand new deck after much deliberation and I found the PERFECT one. I have to say that it is a great guide for my intuitive process because I have something to go off of, even when the person sitting across from me is giving me total blankness.

Because I do my readings in a pub, the atmosphere is not the best one and definately not dukan friendly for me because I always want to follow suit with having a good time too.....carbs.....anyhoooooo, I am excited to use them for the first time at my reading coming up on this Tuesday.

I realized that on my morning meditation walk....(that has become tied in too....exercise = meditation) that I have been subjected to living a "Crumb-based Lifestyle" all these years!!!!!!

Think about it, all of the the things that are not Dukan or Whole Food w.o.e. generate crumbs....breads, cakes, cookies, snacks, chips, etc.

I am a Regal queen and if anything falls from my plate or my "life plate" it should be falling in pieces...not in crumbs.....how peasant like, crumbs....shudder the thought.....lol. So, I am approaching this from a viewpoint that works for me. Call it silly or frivilous or willy-nilly, but I believe from reading other posts and bloggers that real weight and lifestyle changes come when you make a connection to something that makes sense, even if it doesn't drive you....it needs to make sense to you on a personal level.......

I know it feels like I have crossed deserts and rivers and mountains to find that the answer for how to get myself on my path has been in my own backyard all along.

Spiritual thoughts and worlds and ideals make sense to me and on that level I know I am Regal....I will conduct myself accordingly.....

Another aspect of all of this "revelation" if you will is that it really lifts alot of earth attached responsibility off of my shoulders and allows me to place them in the hands of God and allow my spirits to work on my behalf to guide me where I need to be. As long as I maintain my order. Order is huge thing in the spirit world. There are schedules, none of this "because I don't want to" mentality. I mean think about it....can you imagine God deciding one day "I don't wanna".......AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAGHGGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even want to think about it. So, if I stay in order, I can beat this thing. I can let go of these anchors and I can feel like I feel every other Tuesday, every single day of my life. Be patient with me ya'll.....sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest things to comprehend.  (What do you mean that's my nose on my face!!!!????!!!!) But, I'm getting it.

Hugs..........

7 Whole Days...

I apparently am only posting every 7 days or so.....

Things I have done in the past 7 days:

1. Went walking in the heat, yes! Can you believe it? Poor lil choclate based Shaye did not melt in the heat...

2. Cooked Cuban Mojo Pork Chops....they were not as good as I had hoped for but the family enjoyed them.

3. Spent 400 bucks at the grocery store....this was the entire month's budget plus a little bit, now it is time to get creative.

4. Had a spiritual breakthrough which has taken me to a place where I am attempting to face some of my "carry-on baggage" and make an attempt at smiling through at least half of my day....tee hee

5. Washed my hair....ugh. It is really nappy right now too..

6. Not stuck to Dukan. (Surprising? I think not.)

I feel better when I eat better and I was reading Constance's blog yesterday, I need to link to it...but she was talking about partner sabatoge....my biggest sabatoge is my evil self talk. Once the voices quiet down or at least untie my little sane person I will be back in a place where I can focus and stay motivated. The will is there, the will not is just taking center stage.

Hope all is well with everyone. I love ya all....keep sending your hugs...I'm getting there

Hugs.....

No Title Day

Hey People!!!

Today is a no title day. I am about to hop on the phone with some clients but thought that I would say hello and give you an update that I have been getting the proper amount of rest, which is important! I have also been sticking to "operation lifestyle overhaul". Tee Hee.

I'm in good spirits today and feeling right with the world. Looking forward to taking some time off soon and wanting to stay focused on getting my "issues" together.

Water is the word of the day. I'm drinking it all.....so hurry up and fill up your glass before you end up with none!

Hugs!

Gone But NOT forgotten....

That would be me....

I have been gone with no really good reason but I have not forgotten about any of you lovely ladies....and gents out there.

A bittersweet applaud to my 325 weigh in today. I have successfully managed to be totally off course but have maintained my weight during my wait to get back on track...(gotta love that play on words) anyhoo....I have readings tonight so I will be using some restraint while in that atmosphere, that is my bi-weekly downfall period and I need to get over that hump to be able to stay on course.

I have been reading a book called The Four Agreements it has been something that I realize I am going to have to work on for the rest of my life in order to get myself in a healthy state of mind.

I have released alot of my personal demons in this process of trying to shift and change just my physical body and the truth of the matter is that they scared my right back into myself. I was not in a mental place of enough self control to confront them properly.

My mind is probably a great deal more important to deal with than my body, however, they kind of work hand in hand at this point because in order to change my mind about me I have to also change the way I feel about the person I am, inside and out.

The dukan way of eating is easy and more natural than any other eating I have ever done in the past and I always feel and look (skin) better when I follow plan. I have to get rid of the idea this is a plan though and make it what my life is about.

I walked into this thing treating it like every other diet I have ever been on and it came to a screeching halt just like every other diet I have ever been on.

Difference here? Enough of the "lifestyle" has rubbed off on me that this time I have NOT ballooned back up and above what I started at. I have kept the weight that I worked at getting off, off. Yay Me!

So, now to change my compass back to the path of fulfillment....I'm still here...don't count me out yet.

Hugs!!!!

Macy's Day Parade Float....

That title is a description of how I am feeling after the past two weeks just about walking around acting like a human DYSON!!!! Aaaaacccccckkkk!

I now have the "it is too hot, I may pass out" excuse for not walking or working out. Even though it is 2012 and I have air conditioning in my house.

I have the house packed with the right supplies and I went out an purposefully bought ice cream and chips and ate it. I don't know why I keep doing this crap.

I just wanted to get it out there and be honest. I have been taking the stairs at work but only because we don't have an elevator, so I don't even know if I can really "count" that as being good.

Hugs and love to all of you if I can't lead I will at least give you an example of what not to do and in case you didn't get that part.......DON'T DO THIS STUFF! :p

Hugs...

Tossing up the choices....

So, I'm tossing up going onto Atkins. Then transitioning back to Dukan....Thoughts?

I have been having meat and veg every single day for a few days now and I even had about 5 strawberries yesterday.

It's about as hot as the bottom side of satan's ball sack out here and I haven't went walking for that reason.....

Ready to hear my excuse for not doing Zumba? The floor in the living room is weak and there is no VCR in the laundry room..... HA!

I have to get up at the crack of dawn apparently to get this thing done.

Bedtime is going to be at 9pm and then wake time will be 5am. I'm gonna have to give myself a cold shower to get alert in the morning, that's the only time the bed feels good.

I do have the free weights at my disposal, so I will leave those where I can stub my toe and if nothing else I will get a rep in by picking it up to throw it after the stub happens.

I hope all you lovely people and my (net friends) are doing awesome. I miss dialoging with ya'll, I'm getting it together though...No worries.....just hugs...

Inches...I wanna be a pig.

Inches are noticed going up as well as down.....

I have been wondering about how it is that I feel like I am ballooning out of control due to some rotten food choices but my weight has not changed. Meaning, I didn't see the spike that I expected to see.

It has occured to me that the inches are the thing to watch very closely......

Some pants and shirts are feeling much different than they were before and I was like, but my weight hasn't gone up or down...yes, my dear but your inches have.

Tape measure is coming out this weekend and I will post all of the measurements so both you and I know where I currently stand. That is what is going to make the difference. Can't get caught up in the "pound" thought process anymore, they are some tricky little devils.....

So, sidenote, we were just talking in the office and we were discussing committment vs. involvement.

It can be equated to a Ham and Egg breakfast......

The Pig was committed.....The Chicken was involved. (Let that thought simmer for a moment)

We have to be the pig and not the chicken when it comes to taking hold of our relationship with food.

I wanna be a pig.

Hugs....

The Diet Gods are friendly....

Verdict: 325.1

That is the amount after my not so stellar performance for the past 3 weeks. Which is stable. eek. yes, stable. I have found that this is hinged on exercise. Sooooooooo......well, I don't mean to say it this way, but we know what needs to be done. Don't we??????!!!!!

So, my mom stood me up for Earth, Wind and Fire.......this unfortunately isn't the first time that my birthday plans for her have been obliterated.

Money gone on the tickets, Money gone because I cancelled my reading night to take her out, Money gone because I made from scratch a fantastic home cooked meal and cake for her.....and no show.

It's alright though cause the bright spot is that I am back on the dukan train and running full steam ahead.

That's all I have for right now because duty calls (I'm at work) but I pray all you lovely birds are flying high and all is well.

Hugs!!!!!

Bueller....Bueller.....Bueller

Hey ya'll! I'm still alive and kicking....no worries.

I have just been trying to sort through my thoughts and get my self back on track with my diet.

I did finally cave in and binge on all sorts of badness and I am officially "starting over".

I'm allowed to start over as with many things in life. So here I am, starting again. YAY!

So, here goes....

Breakfast: Eggs and Meat, nonfat greek yogurt w/wheat germ (can't do oat bran and wheat germ has a huge leap more protein anyhow)

Lunch: Tuna

Dinner: Garlic Lime Chicken

I am going to focus on my water today and make sure to walk up and down the stair case here in the new office.

My mom's 60th birthday is today and I am taking her and my daughter out to see Earth, Wind and Fire live in concert! It should be a great show!

I will get back on track with regular posting tomorrow as well.........guess who's baaaaaaccccckkk!!!!

Hugs....

The Climb....

So today, as cheesy as it is, "The Climb" has been my motivation to get out of bed and get going.

At the advice of the Dukan Dietress (our magical weight loss fairygodmother) I'm going to suck it up and move on.

The most painful thing that I was ever told during a breakup was...ready? Here goes: "Living a Life with you would be like living a life full of despair"

Yep. (note: this person is still a friend of mine)

That was trumped with this breakup though.....although not a flattering combo of words like the above heart crushing statement.....it still goes into the hall of fame

The winner??? "I don't know why we were even together in the first place" ( Nearly 4 years later, just said the day before yesterday) OUCH!!!! (but, this is a friend now too)

Now, that was soul crushing....but...I have put the pieces back together.....and I'm hugging me and validating me.

(Sounds like my "friends" don't have a very high opinion of me, huh? I just have to be thankful that I have people to call a friend I guess)

So, to make it final...one last thing.....

I do want to say, no matter how miserable I may be or how much misery I create or if people can spend 4 years of there life with me an then wonder why they were ever with me to begin with....(sheesh), I am certain that I am here to love and be loved.

So, I won't be a downer anymore. Cause no one wants to hear it anyway.

I will shift the course of my cruise ship toward happy island instead of being caught up in the storm of the broken heart. Deal? Great.

Back to this diet thing.....Dukan was what it was called right??? To celebrate....here are the lyrics to "The Climb"

The Climb lyricsSongwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa
175lbs....here I come!

Hugs....

I am not broken, I am free...

Heartbreak opens onto the sunrise
For even breaking is opening
And I am broken
I am open
Broken to the new light without
pushing in
Open to the possibilities within
pushing out
See the love shine in through my
cracks
See the light shine out through me?
I am broken
I am open
I am Broken Open
See the love-light shining through
me
Shining through my cracks
Through the gaps
My Spirit takes journey
My Spirit takes flight
Could not have risen otherwise
And I am not Running
I am Choosing
Running is not a Choice
From the Breaking
Breaking is freeing
Broken is freedom
I am not broken
I am free.
- Pariah (Ending poem)

So this poem comes from a movie named "Pariah" and it is very fitting for me today. As many of you know my blog has been a "debbie downer" blog as of late due to my family being ripped away from me. However, I came to the realization that I have to continue being me. I can't allow myself not to be me. No matter how wronged I feel and no matter how hurt I am from the lies and the broken promises, I must be me.

I knew a long time ago that the only "person" in my life would be my daughter and GOD. However, I kept hoping that there may be someone out there that wanted nothing more than me. I thought I had found that and I pushed everything I know and love away to keep it and the end result is I am alone again as always.

It's not you, its me.....that thing. However, it is me and its me because my life is not here for sharing it with some other individual. My life is here to be available to and guide my daughter and serve my Lord. There is room for NOTHING else. Something always removes others from me. It's tragic and the majority of the time I hate it and I wish things were different and I wish people wouldn't even come around me when they are just gonna walk right out when they want. Leaving me with all the responsibility while they walk out free and enjoy their lives. But, it's not for me to decide and I am always able to take care of myself and I will always be able to, because GOD does that for me.

If I relied on people I would be shriveled up and frail, beaten, raped, malnourished and sleeping in a ditch, because people don't care for me, GOD does though. So I haven't had to live out the plans that others have made for me. Thank GOD for that.

I can't focus on the past and make it to my future. I mostly hate that I had my daughter thinking I could provide her with a stable two parent home, cause I can't. I will never give up my full time job of being a single mother again in order to make another person part of our home. Cause at the end of the day, they walk out anyway and I don't want that life for my daughter. I hope one day she understands that I was only trying to be loved. I should have focused on her love alone and I wouldn't have to tell her sorry now.

But, I am NOT BROKEN, I AM FREE....

Hugs...
 

Balls...(Just wanted to say that)

I will NOT be made to feel as though I have done something wrong or that I am not worthy to be loved. Just because another person can not see anything valuable within me that does not lessen me. I deserve love from someone who loves me in the way love is supposed to be. It shouldn't be attached to genitals or words spoken or unspoken or points made or not made. I know I am worth more than I am being made to feel. I know that I don't have to beg for love and I know I don't have to have any friends to be looked upon as a friend. I AM SOMEBODY WONDERFUL. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AND I WILL ALWAYS BE.

I may be alone on this planet but my father in heaven has a place for me and I will be welcomed with open arms and loved and cared for and HE will NEVER walk away from me or try to make me feel less than or worthless or unwanted like people in this life seem to want me to feel those things on a 24 hour rotation. My own family and the one I thought I was making as well. Stupid me.

If all I have to hope for is the LORD then I have everything. I was an idiot to put my trust in people and listen to their lying mouths and words and empty feelings. Lies, Lies, Lies. I know I haven't done anything to deserve being treated this way in this life by anyone I have held close to me and one day these people will wish that what they promised and said and felt was so important means nothing because they missed the point and that was being loyal and appreciative of someone who would have always been in their corner and on their side. But the battle is more important than the war to most. Very few people can focus on the Journey instead of the path. That is NOT my fault and I will NOT feel less than because they are too foolish to see what they are doing to me. How they are hurting me and how they are making sure what they are hurthing stays broken and hurt and they laugh somewhere inside and I just cry.

Once they do. It will be too late. But even then, they won't care. God help me. You are the only one who even sees who I am. Praise you because of it.

Life, it keeps happening. Then one day it doesn't and you don't even know it anyway.

Hugs...

Back On The Wagon

So, I was reading Dukan Dietress' page and discovered that I myself need to really think about what is done in the dark.

I haven't been cheating with any carbs (I'm not even up for allowed cheat meals so ANY cheating is breaking the rules, but I digress) However, I have also been saying that Bailey's is not a carb and that Guiness is not a carb.....how foolish and self decieving is that???!!!!???

Well, they are carbs and having them nearly every day after the weekend as well, whether that be one or five is NOT the business. I also got to thinking about an earlier post of mine where I was talking about being afraid of losing weight. This all ties in together because I always do something to self sabotage. This time my brain got really, really, sneakY!! Darn thing. Making me think the booze juice is not a carb....HA!

So, confounded! I gotcha now and I'm back on the wagon and going to refocus. I am happy about catching myself in a lie....lol. I'm getting smarter than me in my old age, go figure huh?

Anyhoo, so as of today I am going to be sure to get all 3 liters of my water in and I will also begin writing down what I plan to eat. This is only going to be done because I mostly fly by the seat of my pants in respect to choosing what is going into my mouth and I'm not up for that "Daredevil" weight loss right now because at any moment I could be doing the bad thing....and I don't go for bad........Shape Up!!!

I have been provided with a new room to workout in (laundry room) where everything won't be bouncing with me while I move (Thanks S). So now that I won't have to overcome the OMG its Godzilla, Ahhhhhh!, thing that happens when I workout in the living room, things should be easier to do.

That's all for right now people....

Hugs...

Summer Camp Sign Up

Verdict: 326.4


So, I am going to get my daughter enrolled in summer camp. It is the county summer camp program but it builds character anyway.

I had to go to the frickin base youth center summer camp ran by teenagers when I was coming up and I made it out alive......lol....so, she will be fine. Socialization at its fine, bare bones.

I am up about 4.2 pounds and I knew that I was up. I am a bit ashamed to have to report that but at the same time, I'm not gonna pull any punches. I am going to get back on track and stop trying to wallow. This is ridiculously tough right now but I owe it to myself to try to make it through without gaining back every pound I have lost in the process.

I haven't been taking my medication correctly, haven't been doing any meditation, haven't been doing any exercising. So, its time to get back on task.

I have readings tonight and I REALLY don't want to go. Part of it is me punishing myself and the other part of it is me wanting to just go home (and wallow). So, I will more than likely go.

I am praying that things change in my personal relationship. I know what I want to happen and hopefully God will lead it to that place. I am going to try to remain calm and hopeful in the process.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Hugs....

It's Real...

Depression is real that is. I have been trying to smile through it and forget about the reasons and navigate myself to the other side, whatever that is. It's not happening though. I feel like a zombie. I'm detached from reality from myself from others from life. I'm not suicidal or anything stupid like that. I'm a realist, even in my detached state. This is just a portion of life that I don't have the ability to adjust to just yet. I'm overwhelmed by how unfair it all is. I am stuck in a state of disbelief and doing the adult thing. I'm miserable. Not myself. I don't have any clue of how things are supposed to be and it is so frustrating. I have invested all of my life in what I thought my life was going to be and now it isn't and I have NO idea what to do about it or about me.

It seems as though this will never be over. This feeling I mean. I know it isn't true but it doesn't stop me from thinking that or feeling that. Mostly wondering if there is ever anyone that wants to be there for and with me. Probably not. More than likely not. It is just the design of my life I suppose. It really is too much to think about. I know that if this didn't work I am not willing to try any more. I just get to sit back and watch everyone move on with their lives and I just dutifully report and do what I am supposed to do and wait for the day when I have done all I am here to do and that is that. Sad. Pitiful.

I am all the way off the diet. I have not actually eaten any sugar or carbs but I'm not trying either. I haven't exercised and I don't want to either. I have been doing the PP days and the PV days but it is mostly just auto pilot. I actually feel like I am gaining weight but I'm too scared to get on the scales and have yet another thing I'm not able to maintain be shoved in my face at this point in time.

It's already 11:30pm and I know that I won't sleep until 2am or so because that's how it always is when my mind is full and my heart is empty. I just wait to pass out and then work doubly hard to drag myself back out of bed again in the morning. Paste that fake ass smile back on and go out there and do what I am supposed to do.

I don't yet understand why I am so undesireable and useless in other people's lives. I know that this is a huge reason why food is such a good friend of mine because I have never had to deal with it walking away and I have never been "not good enough" to have food. I just don't have any words that accurately describe how I feel inside. The depth of the emptiness can not be described. However, no one cares and it doesn't matter because others have their plans and their backup plans and their wants and desires. I am just the idiot that is always believing in what I have and trusting that it will remain. I am a fool. Just not aware of how things can be and even though it has happened over and over in my life, I am always surprised and caught off guard and unprepared to handle it when it comes.

It's not fair. It's wrong. It's unfair, it's unfair, it's unfair and it isn't right.

I will stop complaining and whining about being alone eventually. To anyone that doesn't wanna read this, I apologize. However, this blog is for me most of all and right now besides food and alcohol, it's the only thing I have to talk to. That's sad. But that's MY life.

Hugs...

T.G.I.F.

I'm pretty sure I could make a TGIF post every week. Definately this week though. It seems like every single day has been Monday. Not cool. I am looking forward to next week being a better week for sure.

Small triumph. I actually fit into a pair of 24 pants. I know, still quite expansive, however, it is better than a 26/28. I'm happy that there are changes showing but wish the scale would move.

I haven't been doing my Zumba or my walking though, so we shalt not B....if you know what I mean. I am trying to stick to everything and stay focused.

Food has so often been my refuge and alcohol too. I have had a few but that is a constant thing for me pretty much. I like to socialize with the ooze included. However, I have been moderate and not over the edge. I know this isn't Dukan to the fullest but it's my way so don't judge me. I'm just not gonna complain about the scale not moving....lol.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weeked. Love ya all.

Hugs.....

Just Smile and Wave

So, it feels like 10 million years since I have posted. I have just been being slack because there are a few obstacles that have come along that I wasn't expecting to have to deal with really. Such is life I guess.

Kinda brings me to the point of my post.

What happens when you haven't counted your eggs before they are hatched but you have lent someone else your basket???

What I mean is that sometimes you give up so much of yourself and your control to another person that when they are going to leave you they are walking out with your life too. Your hopes, your dreams, your love....it feels like your life has been hijacked.

Why is it like that? We can blame it on love, I'm sure but there has to be some point of self-actualization that occurs and says.....behave this way  and do this thing and just be prepared for this ride because I have super-glued myself to the seat and I am not getting off.

I have been dealing with feeling like a fool, feeling like I should have stopped the madness much sooner, feeling like its my fault why people always leave me, feeling like, feeling like, feeling like. But, feelings are foolish mostly. Feelings get people up on rooftops willing to jump. I have to live in reality based thinking, I can't be overcome with feelings. Yucky and messy emotions. They are debilitating, to me. I can't function at a peak level if I allow that to consume me.

I'm not gonna lie, it bothers me to feel as though I will remain alone. Neither man nor women know how to deal with me nor do they seem to care to find out. Yet they all wanna still be my "friend". I don't want a friend, I want a companion. I don't want to get abused to fullfil that need for companionship either.

I don't feel as though it is my continued responsibility to manage loved ones' emotions because they can't get clear in their own heads and hearts what to do about their feelings. However, it always becomes my fault. It is always about me not listening enough, me not understanding enough, me not, me not, me not, me not.

My looming and unresolved question is what the hell about you???????!!!!!! I can take responsibility for your feelings and for my "lack of understanding" and all of that but what ownership do you take for that? None. People wanna talk about their actions being inexcusable. What about your lack of ownership for trying to force me to work through YOUR feelings. I feel like a cesspool filled with the waste of other people's emotions. However, I'm supposed to just keep smiling and be open to listen and understand whenever any "feelings" come up or out, no matter the circumstance....and if I dare not to....then I am subject to be left alone or cussed out or gone off on or disregarded or disrespected. It becomes my fault.

I used to say my life was like a convalescent home where friends and family came to spend their final days before leaving me alone. I'm like everyone's personal hospice. When is it my turn to have the same care and comfort shed upon me.

It's like my ears and my heart and my mind are like Santa's lap and there is a line wrapped around the mall for miles and as soon as one jumps off my "lap" another jumps on and I'm never supposed to need to stretch, talk about my desires or wants or needs or anything. Just sit still, smile for the camera and keep asking what the next in line wants from me. And, just like Santa, I never show when it "counts" or someone whispers in their ear after they have left my lap that I wasn't really a real person anyway. Then people forget about me and move on. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I can feel myself getting depressed and I don't want it. I hate being so lost and confused. I am strong though, unfortunately. So I have no choice but to get through this, no matter how bad it hurts. The mall is packed and I'm late for my performance.

Hugs.

T.O.M. Lethargy

So, today is the 3rd already and I have been M.I.A. with good reason really. This will be TMI but it is true....TOM had my butt completely kicked and I was running on fumes!!!! This is the first month that I have experienced this with Dukan and I am definately going to have to make some changes to handle that energy dip. Even exercising has been challenging just due to TOM. That is unacceptable.

On a lighter less disgusting note......I GOT NOMINATED FOR A LEIBER AWARD!!!! YIP YIP YIPPEE!!!

The lovely Melliee from Ponderosity nominated me and I feel like a real live blogger now. Yay Me!

I have to scour my reading list for blogs to nominate now because I subscribe to all the same blogs the people that follow me do and so its like 3 degrees of seperation instead of 6...lol.

I am very honored though. I don't post recipes and all of that and sometimes that makes me feel like I'm not a "real" blogger for Dukan stuff but I use the recipes I find on other blogs, so I figure that counts too.....maybe.....ahhhhhh we will say it does.

I'm still at the same weight but my inches are coming down, I can tell by the fit of my clothes. I went to a friend's birthday party last night and wore an outfit I hadn't worn in a while and it fit so nicely that I wasn't tugging and pulling on myself all night. That was a new and very much liked experience.

I found some zero carb red bull too.....yum! I'm all about that. This post is pretty much a ramble for right now. I will come and put together a quality post later.

Just wanted everyone to know I'm still alive and I'm still on Dukan and I am still committed to changing my life.

Gotta go check out all of your blogs now and get myself up to date on my peeps!!!

Hugs...

Hair please, I mean, check please!

Hello All,

So, today was a weirdo day.

I started the day off with a cheat. I cheated in fat, not in carbs or sugars but with fat. I decided to get a low carb breakfast bowl and that set the day off to a rough start. As soon as I got to work I chucked the whole thing back up and that left me with an empty stomach for the first part of the day.

But, no worries because we as a company, were going to lunch at a place called Santi's. There is alot of hype about this restaurant but the one time I went there before, all I had to do was use the bathroom to know I didn't want to eat there. I questioned the sanitary aspects of the restaurant.

But, it was Rome and I was gonna be a Roman, besides, I was starving at this point, right?? So, I order a diet coke and we get the menus and I notice there are ZERO fajita options on the menu. I thought, okay well what the HANG am I gonna eat. All the menu items were fried or covered in cheese or fried and covered in cheese.

I saw a taco salad, so I thought, okay, I will order this with no shell and no cheese. Everything else looked safe.....chicken, steak, tomatoes, lettuce, jalapenos, I'm thinking.....alright I can make this work for sure.

They bring the food and I guess someone in the kitchen was feeling sorry for me or else they were just flat out brain dead and instead of simply removing the "taco bowl" they replaced it with frickin pinto beans....WHY!!!! So I had a soupy bean salad concoction and the "chixen" (not chicken) was stewed and shredded...it was a nightmare. I was upset but didn't wanna make a huge deal so I figured I would just pick what was on top and "unbeaned" and then drink my diet coke and just wait til I got home to really eat something.

So, I dig in. Well, pick in anyway. As I am picking away and silently cussing myself for going against my first thought of even eating at this place in the first place, when I go to pick and gather together another bite a long black hair is unwinding from beneath the lettuce and out of the beans. VOMIT!!!!!

Lunch was ruined. Appetite disappeared. Disgust set in.

Santi's, the health board should shut you down. Really.

It's just fundamentally incorrect to begin with to have the audacity to call yourself a mexican restaurant with no fajitas anyway. Jerks.

I did my Zumba today and finished the whole disc again, so that felt good. Nothing major to report. Everything else is going well.

How is everyone else doing??? Sorry for the late post, the day, well....it was a runaway train. I learned my lesson....Don't cheat with fat because you could end up eating hair and your salad shows up on a bed of beans when you do.....good night ya'll.

Hugs......

When is bedtime again?

Water Buddy Zealous.....I did NOT drink my water for the day yesterday and boy am I paying for it today!!! I'm soooooo dried out feeling it is reeeedonkulous. I will get back on the water wagon today though...how have you been doing with it?

I'm super tired today too and I have no reason to be whatsoever. I am hoping this day is over soon but even when it ends I go right into my readings this evening and I barely have any energy now and that is always so draining so wish me luck that I can make it through.

Verdict: 322.5 (still)

But that's an ok number considering I exercised 3 times out of the possible 4 this weekend and all of that was walking, No Zumba :(

I will get back on the ball tomorrow. I have lifted weights and walked though, so that was a good thread in the grand tapestry of things.

I have an early call with some UK clients today and they are not your typical UK clients. I always love talking to the UK clients because they are always so nice and calm and easy to deal with on a business level. These though are pretty high stress and mean. I will make it though....just send your virtual hugs and I know it will be alright.

Best wishes for a wonderful day all of you fabulous people!!!

Hugs......

Ahem....let me clear my throat...

So, I have found out a lot about myself and my "friends" this weekend.

You know when you have those moments where you watch yourself grow, right in front of your own eyes.....that's what I have done this weekend. And, bonus, all from the comfort of my own living room. That's right. Now it makes sense to me when my Mom's reply to me "finding myself" was..."Find yourself????!!! You can find yourself right here at 1234 Main Street" (she actually said our real address). lol.

Looking back now though, she was right. I found some of myself this weekend and it involved being really honest with myself about a few people that I refer to as friends that really aren't very friendly at all.

I have been "friends" with these people I'm talking about for roughly 6 years which is a very long time for me to do anything at all except for stay black and die. I have considered these people to be the type of people that I am always willing to drop everything and run to help if it ever required it.

One of them got married over the weekend and called me about 4 days before to ask me to come to the wedding. Mind you that I haven't spoken to this "friend" in over 3 years, maybe 4 and then clear out of the blue you want me to attend your wedding. Where is the part where we sit down and talk about why we haven't talked in 4 years? Don't I deserve to have that conversation with you before I am forced to pretend I know an entire group of people who are your new nearest and dearest friends and just blend into the crowd like I just saw you yesterday???!!! Wrong answer. Guess what people, standing up for myself felt good. The old me would have went with my tounge bit until it bled and smiled and pretended that life was perfect. I am happy that she is married now, I am happy that she thought to call me. However, I am in a place in life where I also recognize that real friendship is not just about me showing up and being happy for things that are happening with you, I matter too and it should be reciprocated. I am not your private plug and play audience that you can use when it works for you and then ignore when things don't jive or match up with your current trend for the week, day, month, blabbity blah blah blah.

The other friend, this is quite interesting.....just found out about an incident that occurred that after finding out about it was that crucial link that made a whole bevy of other things make all the more sense for how our relationship has evolved and what the moving parts all really mean. The keystone of behavior if you will. This person who makes more money than I do, has a bigger house than I do, has two kids and their father is in the home with them and has a better car and blah blah blah is totally and insanely jealous of me. This person actually dated an ex of mine behind my back, which I just found out this weekend. The same ex who was incessantly stalking me and I was wondering how this ex kept finding out where I was and what I was doing....OHHHHHHHHH that's because my "friend" was relaying everything back to my ex while they were "seeing one another". Totally unacceptable, but believeable. It's not just heresay either. No wonder every time I am over it's like oh, lets eat this together, let's have that together, I know you are doing low carb but you can have these potato chips, they are new. Let me make you a margarita.

STOP BEING A BITCH TO ME. I'M YOUR FRIEND, UNFORTUNATELY YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT MUST TRANSLATE TO SWORN ENEMY IN YOUR MIND BUT YOU ARE FIGHTING BY YOURSELF BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU AS MORE THAN SOMEONE WHO I COULD BE THERE FOR AND YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO SNAKE YOUR WAY BEHIND MY BACK SO YOU CAN FIND YOUR KNIFE TO STAB ME WITH IT AGAIN!!!! aAAAAHAHFAHDSILFHASDIOFHAO;HFLIWEHRIOWHERIO;!!!!!

(sorry that was a little ranty, but really though...seriously)

Anyhoo, in reflection on these events, I have realized that I am allowed to have feelings and to be offended by or not want to put up with certain "friends" and I don't even have to call them that if they are not serving that function. I am not going to continue to call a fridge a fridge if it no longer keeps my food cold.

I'm worth more than what I have been allowing to happen in some of the relationships that I have. So, all of that to say that:

A. I didn't go to the wedding

and

B. No, I don't want any potato chips you backstabbing winch.

That's all for now. :0)

Hugs.....

Irritated today....going back to bed.

Hey All!

Verdict: 322.5 (I couldn't stay off the scale)

So I am really down in the dumps today (again). I only get paid once a month and it is so difficult to budget everything out. I havent quite figured out a rhythm yet but I am working on it so that I can pay everything and not spend too much on one thing and not enough on the other.

It has been a struggle here at the end of the month to keep the ball rolling. I'm feeling really overwhelmed with all of the responsibility that entails.

It is so difficult to keep up with the grocery bill for sure.

So, once I figure out how to do that I am going to make a huge post about it so that it can help others to manage the food bill to stay healthy. True, I'm not spending money on going out and all that stuff but at the same time I haven't really every purchased this much chicken, fish and meat before and the starchy stuff is cheaper cause it costs less to put it in a box where it can last for eight hundred years.

Things I have figured out we will NOT buy again:

1. Fresh Asparagus - Went rotten on the shelf within the week....actually like 3 days and if you have never smelled fresh asparagus that has gone rotten.....let's just say it's a sweet smelling mix of fish and rotten garbage with syrup on it. Vomit City.

2. More than one type of Lettuce at a time: Unless it is a spring mix all in the same container, lettuce wraps, butter leaf, green leaf and romaine hearts can not be bought all at the same time. It's a waste of money because I can't eat enough to keep up with using it all before it goes rotten.

3. Non-Fat Sour Cream: No reason, plain greek yogurt tastes exactly the same. I'm not even sure it isn't the same thing in a differently labeled package.

4. Name Brand Greek Yogurt: There is no reason for this either. I'm paying at least .40 extra for a colorful label. The taste is no different. AT ALL. Unless it's this yogurt called "Greek Gods" but then again, that doesn't really fit because that is name brand too. I can stick with the "Insert Store Name Here" Greek Yogurt. Seriously.

5.Pre-made dressings with no oil or vegan dressings: Vomit. That is all. I can scrape baby diapers for free.

Those are the only things I can think of right now that I know for a fact I will not be doing. I have much more to figure out and categorize and list.

I'm feeling like I am forgetting to do something or like something is missing. I may just need to go back to bed.

Just feeling kind of like I wanna hide out in my room and play computer games all day long while watching trash tv. ho hum...blah.

My daughter (she is 8) and I went to the park yesterday and we were on the swings and she said "Momma, I'm gonna miss your fat when it's gone."

I laughed and was like, why is that?

She said "because me and Asia get to lay on it and sleep there"

So I said, well you don't have to worry about it for at least a year.......she said "YES!"

I thought that was hilarious.

I will post later......

Hugs....

I did it again....

Hello All,

Verdict 323.6

Another decrease.....exciting.

I think I'm gonna stop weighing myself for the week. Just thought I would share that because it is the latest and I know of it, so why not give up the goods!!!???!!!

I'm having a better day today. I had a really long and drawn out call today. However, I split all the files correctly and imported with no errors from my file at all. I was very pleased with the results of the call. Yay Me.

I did my Zumba again last night and I actually made it through the entire video this time. Was I out of gas, yes, but I finished it dog gone it!

I feel proud of myself when I do my exercise.

Hugs....

Invasion of the Body Snatchers.....

Good Morning All (or good evening to my water buddy)

Verdict: 324.2

I have a confession to make. I am scared out of my mind about losing weight. I have been waiting for the pounds to start to come down and I have been experiencing inches lost instead and now the pounds are starting to melt down a bit and I am horrified.

This. Is. Pure. Craziness.

I think I need some therapy. I am sitting here fighting back tears of dread because I am wearing a shirt I just bought a couple of months ago and looking at myself in the mirror this morning wearing it made me scared of what I am becoming. I looked like I was wearing someone else's clothes. I'm horrified.

I guess I have identified myself with being heavy for so long that it is a little  a LOT overwhelming to discover a new me. To discover that I actually have the ability to lose weight and I am scared to death. I'm a moron obviously. Nevermind my "ism". I just have to figure this out. I have identified that this is the same feeling I have felt in the past when I dropped a few pounds and I remember vividly always going and eating up nachos or cheesesteaks or ice cream what ever I knew would sabotage me and take me back to a familiar place. A familiar identity. I don't know who I am becoming because this time I have identified it for what it really is....FEAR.....and I'm almost paralyzed by it. Strange thing this time is that I want to confront it but I don't have the tools to confront it but I also enjoy my eating and my new way of eating and I haven't even had the urge to go sabotage myself.

I am actually going walking during my lunch hour each day, I have been true to my every other day schedule of Zumba, so far anyway. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Why am I being responsible and caring toward this person I have hated so much for so long.....ME.

Okay, the tears have come now and I'm sitting here at work crying like an unhinged person...well silently weeping anyway, but I'm a drama queen.

Has anyone experienced this before. What did you do? How did you handle it? Did you even identify it as what I am explaining. I'm growing and changing and losing (weight). I don't know who I am. But I am still willing and wanting to learn this new woman. I want to hug her and tell her its going to be okay. I want her to know that I have missed her. I just don't know her language yet. Guess I'm gonna have to see if Rosetta Stone has a translator for Fat Girl to Skinny Girl speak. (lil joke, but really) HELP!

Hugs.....

GOD loves us....

So, today I am a little bit down. Not sure why but I am.

However, I am very excited because I did Zumba last night and I didn't have to stop until I was about 40 minutes in this time, so 40 minutes in with no breaks was a fantastic way to end my evening. I slept pretty well too. I was hot as a monkey's backside for some reason but I was feeling good about life on my way to dreamland.

I have high expectations for my day despite my little looming rain cloud. I think it was mostly because I could have stayed on the couch all day and watched trash tv instead of coming out to make a living, but you know the whole used to sleeping in a home thing won out over being on the street, yet again. Pesky civilization.

I have a pretty decent menu for the day. Shanna made some fish and I also have dinner from last night which was chicken stir fry. I have to pick around the veggies of course because it is a PP day (that sounds so funny) but I have enough food to get me through.

I am hoping for a better month in finances for June. My mother is turning 60 and I would like to do something nice for her so I will need to think really hard to get something she will really feel good about, it is a milestone you know.

Mom called upset this morning because she wants to drop about 30 pounds and she went to a stupid WW meeting last night and was feeling overwhelmed by having to write everything down and calculate everything. I told her don't do it. She has never been the type that needs to be in total control over every single detail of the day and she is just gonna get more frustrated counting points in every damn thing. I want her to use Dukan but she doesn't really understand that either and she takes several different medications that could potentially make her Hypo, so I will have to see what kind of hybrid I can suggest for her. She needs me and I want to be there for her. I think that may be contributing to my mood, feeling kind of helpless in helping with her situation, but I'm a smart cookie, never been accused of being dumb, so I'm sure I will figure something out.

I have been meeting my goal for the water challenge daily so I am feeling good about that. My E-Friend that I am having the challenge with lives across the "pond" so to speak so getting times to contact together is a bit challenging at the moment. However, I am here to be supportive and be supported so I will figure out how to do that as well.

I'm excited about my future, so I will hold on to that for my happiness today. That and the fact that GOD loves me to pieces should do it for me. My best to you all. (p.s. He loves you to pieces too!)

Hugs....

Victory!

Yep, that's right!

Verdict: 325.2

Eek! A mouse.....

It has taken 3 weeks since I began cruise (the entire cruise) for my body to let go. I hope this starts a rolling snow ball of continuous reduction.

I read somewhere that your body kinda goes into panic mode when you lose alot of weight really quickly (even if it is water) So, with that being said, that explains why it has been such a push for the weight to start to let go again. I lost damn near 15 pounds during my attack and that was only set at a projected estimate to lose about 7 pounds I believe, so I doubled that. My body was like "HIT THE BRAKES" and I have moved up and down since then.

Except for today. Today the sweet taste of victory is mine, mine all mine all mine all mine all mine all mine....Woot! Who would think anyone would be so happy about weighing 325 pounds huh? lol. I am!

So, key changes were, Zumba and a walk at lunch. I can do that. It is hard to get away from my desk during the day because I have to be on so many phone calls, but I am going to have to make the push for me. I am very motivated today.

Now, on to other "life" stuff. I have become a not so awesome money manager. Hopefully next month I will be able to swing this new grocery bill a little better as we have had an investigative type of month figuring out the things we like to eat on PP days and PV days. I will still go to whole foods for some select items but as far as "grocery shopping" gonna have to stick to wally world until I get my finances straightened out some more. We are technically "BROKE" until payday and that is nearly 9 days away. It is really not cute. I hate being broke and I have an overdrawn account. SUCKS! I know I have gone wrong on spending a few of those dollars but we had some important expenses at the beginning of the month that we didn't really plan for and so it goes. 9 days with no fun money.....or gas money....boooooooo. lol. GOD will provide, just gonna plan better next month.

I have a fairly challenging call today at work that I am not quite sure about but I will make it through the best I can. Sometimes I don't feel very prepared for those things either. However......lest we NOT forget.

TODAY!!!!!! VICTORY IS MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA (cough, cough) MUHAH HA HA HA HA


Hugs....

Loooooooooooong Day.....Short Post.

Yeah,

I'm ready to go home. It has been a SUPER long day an unfortunately, I really don't have a heck of a lot of update to give today.

I have been on the phone non-stop and I have a full week ahead as well. I haven't eaten much today at all. Mostly drank coffee. I had some Chicken Adobo that I made last night for lunch today. I had eggs and turkey bacon for breakfast, non-fat yogurt with wheat germ and plan on having chicken for dinner. That will be the end of my protein day.

I will let you all know if I manage to get involved with Zumba as well.........keep your fingers crossed that the exercise bug continues to bite me...I did walk at lunch today so it's quite possible!!! :o)

Hugs...

I'm being followed! Tear...sniff, sniff.....joy.

So!!!! I can't hold in my excitement....I have two new followers! I feel like a real blogger now. Yay! Okay, so this post could have probably waited until tomorrow, but technically, it IS tomorrow for me.

To cover the remainder of my day yesterday.....I got my water in for the day because I joined a Zealous Girl's water challenge and it is helpful and........*drumroll*........... I did 40 whole minutes of Zumba! Eek! Yes, that's right, the exercise has begun.

I have tired of the scales not budging and I need something to do with this extra energy, so I have finally given up and given in to doing things the right way and getting off of my hind parts and exercising.

Tomorrow should be a decent day. I'm looking forward to 5pm already though. Something pretty O-mazing happened today too. Kim called me. She is getting married. If you knew Kim you would know that both of those sentences are cause for pause.

I am happy for her though. It was also good to hear from her. It's like the universe is folding in on itself. I'm good with it though. More on that once I suss out my feelings and get myself in a better frame of mind about relationships with friends. Right now I don't remember what its like to have friends that I can just call and just go by and just see that just enjoy me and I just enjoy them. So, because that is how things are right now, I have to get out of my own head in order to figure out how I fit with them and where they fit with me.

Friend applications seem to run in low supply after 30. I know, I know, I know. It's all up to you and how you want things but for a military brat of divorced parents....my roots are few and far between. I have to get miracle gro for my friendships cause the soil can't do it on its own...if you are picking up what I am putting down.

Alright, I'm off to check the dryer and put the clothes in there and head to bed. Another night of insomnia. UGH! I will just lay really still and pretend to be sleep and maybe it will sneak up on me. Good night.

Hugs....

Feelings are emerging where there were none before

Morning All!

Okay, so another Sunday without church and with sleeping in. I can't seem to get it together. I am going to try. I am filled up with tons of trying and not too much doing but this is also not a beat myself up session. I digress. I have been feeling like cheating a whole BIG much. ;o) I haven't done it though.

I am realizing that alot of my emotions are starting to come up. There seem to be alot of thoughts that are coming to the forefront because I am paying more attention to me now. I have been pretty depressed for some years now. Feeling like I haven't really been living up to potential. I have been doing my job and taking care of my home and my daughter and my relationship but I have not been taking very good care of me. I have been depressed since my friendships faltered in around 2007. Wow. That's a long time. I don't really have any "roots" I am just a member of me phi me and its sometimes pretty lonely inside of my mind. I just have to figure out how to start doing the things that make me feel fulfilled. My readings make me feel fulfilled but they are also draining, so I have to give up a whole lot of me to get the good feelings that helping someone else find their way gives to me.

I need to sing more. I hope to get in the studio and lay down a track or two based off of a couple of poems I have written that will make some good songs. I have some ideas for inventions that I need to get patented. I have goals and ideas. I need to start writing some of it down to get myself on track.

Today is a PV day. I started out eating some green leaf lettuce and hamburger and broccoli at the wee hours of the morning because I was just AWAKE. I guess I was up from about midnight to 5am, then I laid down and slept pretty well til around 8:30 or 9. I get my best sleep during those times, that's why its so hard to get up for work in the mornings.....tee hee, but not tee hee.

I would like to do something active today and I need to do laundry and I need to wash my hair, it looks like blechKKKK.

I am addicted to searching for blogs now. I keep saying I am gonna stop but then I keep looking for more. I want to support other Dukaner blogs in hopes I can gain more support too by reaching out and trying to be positive toward others. I enjoy blogging. I used to have a diary on some diary site but I can't remember the name of it. I think it was something like open diary.com or something like that. It's been more than 10 years so I don't know but I remember liking to hear other people's walk of life. It's inspiring and thought provoking and emotional and funny at times as well. It helps me feel like I am not as strange or weird as I sometimes think that I am. I am unique, just like everyone else. :o)

So, that's all I have for right now. I will write more later if it comes up. Til then....

Hugs....

Gripes about Blogs.....

Hello All!

It is the perfect kind of day today for me so far. Didn't wake up feeling anxious, got into the bathroom first and even got to the leftover fajita meat from last night!!! Even Cade is sleeping in late, the dog isn't whining... life is good.

Until I came out to find some more blogs to follow.....

Now, I am of full understanding that the people I find the most info on are all people who are at goal already and the ones that are that still post, I applaud you and I am thankful for you!!! I NEED to read your stuff to get me through some tough spots. So, this post isn't about you types....

The type I am talking about is:

1. Great Writer - Engaging - Funny - Humble - Witty - Exposed and MISSING!!!!!

I am so exhausted with going and looking up blogs and it's been 10, 8, 6, 5 and 4 months since the last post was done. The worst part is that these people haven't reached goal but they have left it like they have just given up. I read through these long forgotten blogs and I see so much success, so much hope, so much normal behavior and then it's like they got snatched by aliens and there is no closure as to why they are totally gone.

Everyone has bad days and everyone has weak points. I guess what I am trying to get at is that, when I am in my weak points, sometimes finding you at a weak point allows me to find something positive to say to you and in turn encourage myself.

You start a blog to be accountable. You have to write in the blog to be accountable.

I don't have it all figured out and I have a long, long, long, long way to go. However, I know that I want to keep providing some kind of feedback. It may not mean the world to me that I logged in and said, "Day is okay, not much to report, just a hum-drum but I'm sticking to plan", but it could be the one post that keeps one person on track for just one meal.

Just saying. Tighten up your blog game people. Cause I know that you are at least supposed to be on Consolidation or Stabilization so quit acting like you lost your weight and life is perfect now. If it is GOD be with you and bless your perfect behind. However, I'm sure there is something valuable you have to give back even if it is just a nudge to say, I am here and I did it, keep pushing, you can do it too!

That is all for right now.

P.S. More recipes that can be modified...stay away from the cheesy and fatty ones... http://www.genaw.com/lowcarb/

Hugs.....

The Cake Is A Liar.

I thought I would share one of my favorite pictures.....

Don't trust cake. Unless it's Dukan Cake.....

50 Ways to Stay Motivated Link (Inside!!!)

Hello Everyone!

So I found a great site with some motivation stuff on it that I am gonna put up here in case anyone wants to go and take a gander. There are a few of the items that I don't "agree" with but overall its a nice list of helpful "keep pushing through" tips.

http://ten-pounds-down.fitsugar.com/50-Ways-Stay-Motivated-Weight-Loss-13289463

It's a great site, I have been looking through all kind of stuff to try to stay motivated. My motivation isn't waning, I am actually doing alright. I just am not seeing a great deal of progress on the scale. My clothes are definitley fitting a LOT better. Here is the sad part, the "I have never realized how BIG I am part" I must have been in a 28 as my actual size. That's a WOMENS' 28 because the 26 size clothes I have are now actually fitting. A little sad. I am feeling better about it though because I'm coming down some.

I wanna start complaining about how long this is taking right here at this part, however (comma) I have not even been doing this for a full month! What a laze about huh? I like to complain sometimes just to hear myself say something. Sometimes......DON'T JUDGE ME MANNNNNN!

Alright, well I will post more later.

Waiting for the "whooosh"

Hello All,

I did my readings last night and they went well. I wasn't feeling exhausted at all until this morning. Sometimes negative energy can act like a creeper. I have some food for the morning. I am going home for lunch today. Nothing major to report. Inches are dropping like crazy, I may have to get new clothes soon, but my weight has remained steady, I waiting for the "whooosh" to take place. Please come soon, I want to see the numbers under 320. I guess not drinking would help with that. I'm sticking with it though. Years of bad habits are hard to break. Had a horrible dream last night about my brother. That's a whole other story, but for the day. I am at peace. Love to you all.

Hugs...

OMG, I wore Jeans...

Hey ya'll! I am actually wearing jeans today! That is a huge deal for me because usually they are so daggone tight I can't make it through with them on. People (mgr) at work are ignoring me. So what. Grow UP! That's all for now....I'm starving....will talk more later.

Hugs...

BELIEVE IN YOU

As I am motivating myself to have the strength to go in here and fight this spiritual war at work tomorrow, I figured that I would post something that would help you all fight the good fight as well.....

First Things First! Take Pride in EVERY win:

After that.........BELIEVE IN YOU and that your mere existence here means that you are valuable beyond measure. Keep fighting the good fight. LOVE Yourself.

Hugs....

Upkeeping a torrid love affair with me.

Hey Everyone,

I am having a great Mother's day. I am still being extremely bothered by this thing at work. I want and need to let it go and just enjoy my moment, one day at a time type of living. It just really bothers me when someone fails to even try to understand where I am coming from when they are personalizing or going through whatever they are going through and putting their emotions off on me like its my problem. This is a common occurance with women in particular, in my experience. Working with a bunch of women is challenging. I am trying not to be one of the cackling brood, but it gets difficult when people keep putting their crap off on you.

This is one aspect of my life that has allowed me to pack on the pounds. Always accepting responsibility for other peoples emotions. People emoto-vomit on me and I lick it up like a sick dog. Carry it around with me and then feel miserable for no reason that I can find an origination of on my behalf besides giving a damn about another human being.

If there was a way that I could create a bubble around myself that would bounce those feelings back onto the people who were trying to shovel them down my throat. Make them responsible for their own crap for once.....I would probably look like Tyra Banks!!!! Instead I look like Gilbert Grape's mom.

I used to think the answer to dealing with people dumping on me would be to say how I feel and get it off my chest to them so they could understand why it was wrong what they are doing. However, after more time to mature, I realize that some people are so emotionally inept themselves that the whole reason why they dump on others is because they refuse to deal with their own emotions, so that goes to say that me trying to explain why what they are doing to me is hurting me is a total waste of breath because they are too vacant to even understand what they are feeling, why would they give two craps about how I feel? They won't. Which is why I have found the best defense is to LOVE on me and that is what I am focused on doing. That's the best medicine for me, loving me more. So, I am in the process of creating and upkeeping a torrid love affair with me......P.D.A. and all of that.....with my fine self......cheese! (smile cheese, not dukan cheating cheese) :0)

Went to Whole Foods and got some good and fresh foods. Spent too much of course but I feel good about not having to eat all wally world food for the next couple of weeks. Yay! Oh yeah and plain non-fat classic greek yogurt is horrible!!! It tastes like paint thinner smells. Won't be using that for anything besides cooking with it and feeding it to the dog, it's good for her digestive system. She is a puppy and had to have worm treatments, so she can eat it.....yay! Boo for me though. Blech.

Hugs...

I thought it was okay to speak. WRONG.

Hello All,

Okay, so I had the worst day at work and it didn't start being horrible until I said something to a co-worker in an attempt to improve a process and was reprimanded for not bringing my "concerns" to my manager. There wasn't anything to bring to my manager though, it was just a conversation between co-workers. Damn me for trying to handle my affairs on a peer level though. I just don't get it. Or, actually, I do get it. Very well as a matter of fact, its others that don't get it. After being a manager previous to getting this job, its hard to not see how to improve a process and not act on it without feeling like I need to take it to the top of the food chain to get it done. I would just appreciate a little more respect and trust. If I have something that management needs to do something about, I will get it together in a presentable fashion and take it there, but I have to be allowed to talk to my co-workers. Sad, but the only thing I got out of today was to "keep your mouth shut". I work in an office, not blood diamond mines, so I thought it was okay to speak. WRONG.

Anyway, I have been off my plan for two days so far because I ate veg and drank liquor yesterday. So, I'm sure my liver is stuffed full of glycogen which throws me out of ketosis. Counterproductive. I will try harder and get better and stop it already with the need for cocktails. lol. Seriously though. I will.

Slacked off on my water and need to get better with that. Gotta go grocery shopping today and stock up on some stuff. I had crab sticks for the first time ever today and I must say, I love them, like want to marry crab sticks type of love them. I ate about 12 of them today, maybe 16. Overboard, I know, but it was soooooo good. They are stuffed with sodium, like 490 mg of sodium in it. It may be the brand, but I can't roll like that because of my blood pressure. So many issues for a woman so young. I'm gonna get it together. That was like eating 6 tv dinners......ugh.

I am gonna try to get this stupid ass situation off my mind and not get consumed by someone else's dream. I just know that everything happens for a reason and this reason is to understand how to value someone trying to help me because I know now how it feels to get shot down for trying. Good day, I said Good Day!

Hugs....

miserable in the process of getting happy

I am more prepared today but there is feta cheese on my salad and there is cheddar in my omelette. I got it from a restaurant, because I was not prepared.

I'm at work, my water is frozen so I'm drinking from a cup instead of my bottle.

I did eat my yogurt and wheat germ though and I am having an alright day so far.

I drank last night. I could have resisted more but I didn't. So now I feel like I can make it another month without a drink and I will be just fine. I have to make some room for a tasty beverage now and then though. That's just gonna have to be the rule. I'm not gonna be miserable in the process of getting happy....that's counterproductive.

I am still staying away from sugar and breads and keeping it as lean as possible on what meat and veg I am consuming. I have to workout and all is well.

I hope everyone who visits me is having a wonderful day. I send good vibes of love to you all!

P.S. I resisted the urge to weigh myself.....woo hoo!

Hugs....

Hot Dog Salt Crap Madness

So my head feels like it's about to burst off right now because I have been stuck eating hot dogs (lean kosher) but hot dogs alllllllllllllll day long. Hot Dogs and I don't usually get along anyway however, due to lack of planning, I now have to deal with this.

Note to self: Cook some food for the next day. You can't just wing it anymore! Winging it is what got you over 300 pounds....get up and cook for your health....no more hot dog days. blech....

So, I am going to get to my 5 Liters of water today. I'm drinking my third right now so I know I can do it. I'm excited because this will be my first day with 5 under my belt. 3 has become very easy to do and 5 will be all I need for the day. So excited about that.

I have to make sure I pick up a card so Mom can get something in the mail on Saturday, it's nice to get greeting cards instead of bills in the mail. I am gonna go pick one up today.

I was thinking that my blog is probably supposed to be informative and help people grow personally and change and have new insights and blah blah blabbity blah, but I also realized that I am not Sally Jesse and this ain't her blog either.

This is a place for me to spout my random logic and to complain and to celebrate. I'm not gonna take myself too seriously here. This is meant to be helpful in keeping myself on track, so that when things are looking bleak I can reflect on how far I have come in this journey and pull up my boot straps and keep stomping.

Another person's blog that I subscribe to was saying how they ate (pause: I feel like I am gonna get a nosebleed right now from all this hot dog salt crap madness...extra lean...HA) pizza and drank booze, pretty much just caved in to some desires that they had been having in the midst of their Dukan journey......I wanted to comment on the post but because my phone sucks and I can't find the blog from my computer I will just comment here......

To Shann's Blog something: Choose Life. If life for that moment means to you pizza and booze, then have some pizza and booze. The important part is getting over that part and getting back to your "goals" in life and you made a goal to do the Dukan and get it together, stick to it and get there. Everyone is on your side and pulling for you, everyone that matters that is. It takes a long time to break bad habits and you are not a machine or computer so don't beat yourself up. You confessed it in a public forum, even flogged yourself some, now stop the punishment and tell us about what you are doing to get back on track. You wouldn't know the feeling of success if you didn't know the acrid taste of failure. Be happy you can still feel to know that you still want to change.

Alright, that's all I have to say about that.

I am ready to go home already. I love my job. I do. But I love being at home too....Kinda like doing the Dukan and wanting Pizza and booze huh? lol. Such is life.

Hugs...

I am not going to weigh myself daily anymore.

This day is a nightmare so far!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eek a mouse!

I'm not prepared at all. Just stuffed some turkey slices and some kosher extra lean beef franks down my gullet and I'm about to jump on my training call with some clients that are very unhappy with their lives. Great.

I am not going to weigh myself daily anymore. It's too frustrating. I am moving to Saturday weigh-ins. Shanna just started yesterday and she is down about 2 pounds so that is excellent! I'm proud of her but she wasn't prepared today either. I tried to tell her when we were making a mad dash through the grocery store to get food to eat, but noooooooo So she is going until 2pm without food.......pay attention people, NOT the way to start the attack phase. But she will get that point by day's end.

I am going to make it a point to get out of the house this evening and take a 30 minute stroll. I keep sitting on my hind parts and not moving and it is not conducive to the plan, so I am cheating purely by not walking, which is reeeedonkulusss......and it will stop immediately!

I am going to have my yogurt and wheat germ for dessert tonight since I fouled up and didn't have any on hand this morning.

I will make this day grate, I mean great. ( tee hee) It's only going up from here. I'm happy anyway and I have on some pants that I couldn't wear before so that's a huge step in the right direction.

Hugs...

3 liters of water a day

Sade....there are not enough good words to say about her. Thank you Shanna for leaving that loaded in the deck today...you rock from left to right!

I'm getting all antsy about getting to 320....I know, it took me my whole life to get this weight on and its gonna take some time to get it off, but doggone it!

Alright, I just needed to get that little rant out of my system. I have a really busy week at work. I think I mentioned this already but it's only Tuesday and I really need to go out. But, I'm being good and behaving myself.

I had a really great lunch of salmon, ground sirloin and green beans today. It was really good. I'm up to drinking a minimum of 3 liters of water a day and my skin appears to be clearing up some as well.

Just wanted to update and say hello to the world.

Hugs!

verdict : 326.5

verdict : 326.5

so i am down a little more. i am typing from my phone so thats all for now.

hugs.....

NOT QUITTING

Hello Again,

Verdict: 327.3

Okay, so I'm back down some today and I am wondering if I should just ease back to having a weigh in once a week instead of everyday because I am officially on a roller coaster (hands up and outside of the cart and all). Except, I don't throw my hands up because I'm having the best time ever, I am throwineng them up because I want to quit!!!! NOT QUITTING, however, it's not helpful to feel like I have ballooned out of control on one day and the next that I'm down and feeling happy again. I'm not gonna be able to do that to myself and stay on track. I know me and I know that I get too wrapped up in numbers and totally discount the way I feel.

It's back to work again for me today. I don't have any food prepared, which I am going to take care of in just a  moment here. I have a gang of implementations coming down the pipe, so I will need to be very effort focused on having the right foods on hand. I have to be on the phone with clients at 4 hours at a time to train on the software they purchased from us. So, to prevent myself from munching on shelf stable crap, I am going to need to be sure to have some bite size protein available and on hand. Maybe a lil dip of NF cream cheese and dijon would be awesome with my "bite size" stuff as well.

This morning I am feeling a little anxious and tired. I stayed up until 3am because I couldn't sleep. The good news about that though is that I did get in about 10 minutes of Zumba. I know that is like nothing but it is more than I have been doing in the way of exercise, so that was a triumph for me and I will take them as they come.

I am going to focus on drinking water and NOT SMOKING for the first day. I am very motivated right now, even though I am sharing my "true" feelings, I do need to say that I feel it is the right time to get this smoking thing done for good. I wanna whiten my teeth and I can't do that while I am busy browning them.....kinda counteractive. Besides, since I haven't really STARTED exercising, I can replace my cigarette cravings with ACTIVITY. Novel idea, right? I know, I will thank me later. As for now, I'm going to try to quit smoking. It's weird that I just decided to stop smoking in the middle of my post.......random. Whatever, I'm gonna go with it.

I'm gonna come up with my own motivation phrase each day as well..... :0)

Here goes the first one: Stupid people, don't join em....beat em, but not about the head and shoulders that's just gonna wear you out and make them ask why the sky keeps falling.

Alright, so maybe not motivational to all but I get where I'm coming from, so since this is my blog and I have zero comments so far, that works for me.....lol....I'm silly.

Hugs....

Verdict: 330.1

Verdict: 330.1

So, apparently I have jacked myself up over the weekend. Very disappointed. However, its my fault and I need to get it in gear.

Nuff said.

Hugs.....

Chateau Mommy

Morning All!

I am sorry I didn't post yesterday. I have been vacationing at my mom's house. I added another attack day because I was not prepared to go into my cruise. I just didn't have my hair done and didn't wanna leave the house so I just stuck to protein. I miss my wheat germ and my chobani in the morning....Only one day though so no real complaints to make about that.

I am going to get myself on track today for the cruise....may be another attack day....don't know quite yet because I still don't have a meal planned for the day and I don't know exactly when I am leaving out to go home yet either. So I will just play it by ear.

Not sure if I lost anything yesterday, I didn't get on the scale. I did cheat though. I had some chicken wings from the Chicken Shack, which has some O-MAZING wings. They aren't as good as they used to be when I was a teen but they still have the same taste. The cheat part of that is that it had oil and the skin. Otherwise it was all protein.

I need to get some okra and cook it. I will try Calarda's recipe and use Pam for the oil instead. I will let you know how it turns out.

I should have checked my measurements at the beginning of this but I didn't so I don't have that added motivator and at this point I don't wanna get obsessed with it so I am going to leave that alone and judge by how my clothes feel instead.

Alright,well I am off for now. I will update later or tomorrow. It's back to work again. Sad that vacation is over but glad to be going back to my job too!

Hugs...