Heartbreak opens onto the sunrise
For even breaking is opening
And I am broken
I am open
Broken to the new light without
pushing in
Open to the possibilities within
pushing out
See the love shine in through my
cracks
See the light shine out through me?
I am broken
I am open
I am Broken Open
See the love-light shining through
me
Shining through my cracks
Through the gaps
My Spirit takes journey
My Spirit takes flight
Could not have risen otherwise
And I am not Running
I am Choosing
Running is not a Choice
From the Breaking
Breaking is freeing
Broken is freedom
I am not broken
I am free.
- Pariah (Ending poem)
So this poem comes from a movie named "Pariah" and it is very fitting for me today. As many of you know my blog has been a "debbie downer" blog as of late due to my family being ripped away from me. However, I came to the realization that I have to continue being me. I can't allow myself not to be me. No matter how wronged I feel and no matter how hurt I am from the lies and the broken promises, I must be me.
I knew a long time ago that the only "person" in my life would be my daughter and GOD. However, I kept hoping that there may be someone out there that wanted nothing more than me. I thought I had found that and I pushed everything I know and love away to keep it and the end result is I am alone again as always.
It's not you, its me.....that thing. However, it is me and its me because my life is not here for sharing it with some other individual. My life is here to be available to and guide my daughter and serve my Lord. There is room for NOTHING else. Something always removes others from me. It's tragic and the majority of the time I hate it and I wish things were different and I wish people wouldn't even come around me when they are just gonna walk right out when they want. Leaving me with all the responsibility while they walk out free and enjoy their lives. But, it's not for me to decide and I am always able to take care of myself and I will always be able to, because GOD does that for me.
If I relied on people I would be shriveled up and frail, beaten, raped, malnourished and sleeping in a ditch, because people don't care for me, GOD does though. So I haven't had to live out the plans that others have made for me. Thank GOD for that.
I can't focus on the past and make it to my future. I mostly hate that I had my daughter thinking I could provide her with a stable two parent home, cause I can't. I will never give up my full time job of being a single mother again in order to make another person part of our home. Cause at the end of the day, they walk out anyway and I don't want that life for my daughter. I hope one day she understands that I was only trying to be loved. I should have focused on her love alone and I wouldn't have to tell her sorry now.
But, I am NOT BROKEN, I AM FREE....
Hugs...
For even breaking is opening
And I am broken
I am open
Broken to the new light without
pushing in
Open to the possibilities within
pushing out
See the love shine in through my
cracks
See the light shine out through me?
I am broken
I am open
I am Broken Open
See the love-light shining through
me
Shining through my cracks
Through the gaps
My Spirit takes journey
My Spirit takes flight
Could not have risen otherwise
And I am not Running
I am Choosing
Running is not a Choice
From the Breaking
Breaking is freeing
Broken is freedom
I am not broken
I am free.
- Pariah (Ending poem)
So this poem comes from a movie named "Pariah" and it is very fitting for me today. As many of you know my blog has been a "debbie downer" blog as of late due to my family being ripped away from me. However, I came to the realization that I have to continue being me. I can't allow myself not to be me. No matter how wronged I feel and no matter how hurt I am from the lies and the broken promises, I must be me.
I knew a long time ago that the only "person" in my life would be my daughter and GOD. However, I kept hoping that there may be someone out there that wanted nothing more than me. I thought I had found that and I pushed everything I know and love away to keep it and the end result is I am alone again as always.
It's not you, its me.....that thing. However, it is me and its me because my life is not here for sharing it with some other individual. My life is here to be available to and guide my daughter and serve my Lord. There is room for NOTHING else. Something always removes others from me. It's tragic and the majority of the time I hate it and I wish things were different and I wish people wouldn't even come around me when they are just gonna walk right out when they want. Leaving me with all the responsibility while they walk out free and enjoy their lives. But, it's not for me to decide and I am always able to take care of myself and I will always be able to, because GOD does that for me.
If I relied on people I would be shriveled up and frail, beaten, raped, malnourished and sleeping in a ditch, because people don't care for me, GOD does though. So I haven't had to live out the plans that others have made for me. Thank GOD for that.
I can't focus on the past and make it to my future. I mostly hate that I had my daughter thinking I could provide her with a stable two parent home, cause I can't. I will never give up my full time job of being a single mother again in order to make another person part of our home. Cause at the end of the day, they walk out anyway and I don't want that life for my daughter. I hope one day she understands that I was only trying to be loved. I should have focused on her love alone and I wouldn't have to tell her sorry now.
But, I am NOT BROKEN, I AM FREE....
Hugs...
Dear, you are not broken. Keep focusing on those who matter, you, your health, your daughter, and of course God. Move forward as always and be stronger because of the heartbreak.
ReplyDeleteI find my blog has become a downer-blog as well. We need to get passed this in order to grow and be better.
Well wishes.