Feelings are emerging where there were none before

Morning All!

Okay, so another Sunday without church and with sleeping in. I can't seem to get it together. I am going to try. I am filled up with tons of trying and not too much doing but this is also not a beat myself up session. I digress. I have been feeling like cheating a whole BIG much. ;o) I haven't done it though.

I am realizing that alot of my emotions are starting to come up. There seem to be alot of thoughts that are coming to the forefront because I am paying more attention to me now. I have been pretty depressed for some years now. Feeling like I haven't really been living up to potential. I have been doing my job and taking care of my home and my daughter and my relationship but I have not been taking very good care of me. I have been depressed since my friendships faltered in around 2007. Wow. That's a long time. I don't really have any "roots" I am just a member of me phi me and its sometimes pretty lonely inside of my mind. I just have to figure out how to start doing the things that make me feel fulfilled. My readings make me feel fulfilled but they are also draining, so I have to give up a whole lot of me to get the good feelings that helping someone else find their way gives to me.

I need to sing more. I hope to get in the studio and lay down a track or two based off of a couple of poems I have written that will make some good songs. I have some ideas for inventions that I need to get patented. I have goals and ideas. I need to start writing some of it down to get myself on track.

Today is a PV day. I started out eating some green leaf lettuce and hamburger and broccoli at the wee hours of the morning because I was just AWAKE. I guess I was up from about midnight to 5am, then I laid down and slept pretty well til around 8:30 or 9. I get my best sleep during those times, that's why its so hard to get up for work in the mornings.....tee hee, but not tee hee.

I would like to do something active today and I need to do laundry and I need to wash my hair, it looks like blechKKKK.

I am addicted to searching for blogs now. I keep saying I am gonna stop but then I keep looking for more. I want to support other Dukaner blogs in hopes I can gain more support too by reaching out and trying to be positive toward others. I enjoy blogging. I used to have a diary on some diary site but I can't remember the name of it. I think it was something like open diary.com or something like that. It's been more than 10 years so I don't know but I remember liking to hear other people's walk of life. It's inspiring and thought provoking and emotional and funny at times as well. It helps me feel like I am not as strange or weird as I sometimes think that I am. I am unique, just like everyone else. :o)

So, that's all I have for right now. I will write more later if it comes up. Til then....

Hugs....